


veni, vidi, vici (i came, i saw, i conquered)

by getupandgo2011



Series: Covin [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emperor Hux, Hux Backstory, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, Other, Self-Exile, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:36:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7905007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getupandgo2011/pseuds/getupandgo2011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'The New Empire rises from the ashes of the First Order.'</p>
<p>Following the death of Snoke and the rise of Hux's Empire, he begins to realize that the differences between dreams and the reality of his situation. With Kylo Ren at his side, he has to make a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	veni, vidi, vici (i came, i saw, i conquered)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [politicalmamaduck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/politicalmamaduck/gifts), [solikerez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solikerez/gifts).



> this is the third and last story of my 'Covin' series! 
> 
> (however, there will be a finn/poe/rey story set in the same universe posted soon as well!) 
> 
> thank you to politicalmamaduck for her continued support and work as a beta!

  
  


_ The New Empire rises from the ashes of the First Order. _

_ Snoke's legacy lies crushed beneath a booted heel, his corpse rotting on the planet of Themis. His followers had either sworn fealty to the new Emperor or had been carefully disposed of to a backwater planet in the Outer Rim. The galaxy gazes upon Hux with his pale skin and scarred cheek, the cruel sparkle in his eyes, and they tremble with fear. _

_ They do not even need to see Kylo Ren- robed, his hood pulled over dark eyes that are no longer the sickly yellow they had been for the first seven months of their Empire- to be afraid. Hux manages that with his words, his silver tongue, his lies. He convinces neutral planets to join his Empire, the violently opposed are conquered within an hour of a ground assault, and the willing reap benefits unavailable to any other planet. _

 

_ Kylo Ren has had Force visions before, but nothing like this. _

_ He had seen Hux victorious, standing on a mountain of skulls, before he even knew the other man's name. Had seen his own falls to the Dark as clearly as one sees the morning sunlight. Ren had seen his father's death six years before it came to be. _

_ And yet there has never been a vision- so wrong, so strange- like this before. _

 

_ It has been a year. _

  
  


******

The irony of the situation is not lost on him.

Before, it had been Hux himself directing the pilots chasing Resistance fighters away from their planets, yelling orders down the bridge of the  _ Finalizer  _ in the hopes of someone actually hearing him. Now, he gets to shout orders from the newly remodelled version of his previous command ship. Becoming Emperor had changed very little for Hux in terms of his leadership style, though his crew are more likely to obey him now (the fear of death has increased ten fold in the past year).

“Where's Ren?”

“Unavailable, sir. He said not to be interrupted for anything other than the collapse of civilization as we know it.”

The tone in which Mitaka says the words tells Hux all he needs to know. Ren has been nigh unbearable since he had recovered from killing Snoke- being alone in his own mind for the first time in fifteen years had broken something within the other man, stealing his voice and rational mind in a swirl of terror- and has been letting them all know how much he dislikes having to remain on starships.

 

“Find him,” Hux says, waiting until Mitaka runs off to heave out a long sigh. For every planet that joins his Empire, there are ten more rebelling against its rule. It has been days since he saw his bed or food that didn't come from a silver package. Even longer still since he last managed to sit down and have a conversation with Ren that didn't end in one of them storming out the room only to return an hour later, sulking and apologetic. He lifts his modified star map, with particular systems no longer in existence in the aftermath of his invasions, to stare moodily at Corellia, the one place Hux would rather not go. Being the home planet of Han Solo, and massively supportive of the fledgling Resistance, the people of Corellia had fought back harder than any of the other planets in its system, truly living up to its reputation as the most stubborn planet in the galaxy. Hux has not been on the ground in almost eleven months, and was not confident in the welcome he will receive upon arriving there.

“I just hope it's not raining,” he mutters, dropping the map onto the console and striding to the end of the bridge, unwilling to look as if he is waiting for Ren (though it is most likely obvious that he is). Since the death of Snoke, and the hellish weeks afterwards, Ren has changed. His voice was lost to him from the trauma of being alone for the first time in his own mind, unable and unwilling to speak. His eyes remained a shade of yellow that Hux found himself unable to meet, sharp and cold in a way he recognises from gazing into a mirror at his own reflection. Eventually, after months of torturous nightmares that kept the two of them awake until the morning cycle, Ren had begun to recover, slowly at first, and then all at once.

 

“Where are we going?” Ren storms up the bridge like a small hurricane, robes at risk of tangling around his legs, hood down to show his exhausted expression. Hux feels a tightening in his chest, one that has became all too common as the circles beneath Ren's eyes continue to grow.

“Corellia. There's been an uprising that could use our attention.”

Hux doesn't miss the way Ren's gaze lowers to the floor beneath their feet, his lips pressed together tightly as if he is stopping himself from saying something he knows he will regret. He looks as if he is about to cry. Hux wants to reach out and brush the hair away from his dark eyes, press a kiss to his forehead and promise him nothing will happen to him. He knows that Ren will not appreciate the coddling any more than he appreciates being told to reign in his temper when it gets the best of him.

 

“That was the my father’s home planet,” he says instead, as if Hux does not already know. Han Solo continues to follow the two of them, even in death, stalking Ren's dreams and driving him to train at odd hours of the day. Hux just nods, carefully reaching out to press his fingers against the scar on Ren's jaw, pressing ever so slightly against the scar tissue. The other man relaxes almost instantly, his own gloved hand brushing the white crescent moon on Hux's own cheek reverently.

“I want you at my back.”

“I wouldn't be anywhere else.”

The words are softer, gentler, than anything Hux has heard from Ren in a long time. He meets dark eyes that are still, even now, too filled with emotion to truly belong to an evil man and nods, letting a smile grace his face.

The past year- the time of his dreams finally coming to fruition- has been the hardest of Hux's life, and yet he would never give it back. 

 

******

_ Kylo Ren has visited Corellia only once; as a child, curled in his father's arms with his face hidden in his shoulder, hiding red rimmed eyes caused by hours of crying. His mother had explained, later, in the small house they would call home for a year and a half, that Ben felt things too strongly sometimes. The tears were understandable when he was as little as he was. Back then, Ben Solo had believed every word that fell from his parents' lips, down to the last syllable, and had carefully wiped away any sign of tears with the knowledge that he was special. _

_ They never visited his father's home planet again. _

 

_ Being here with Hux, hand ready on his lightsaber and mind in the place that only users of the Force can reach, allows him to swim in the memories without fear of missing anything. Their shuttle had docked without any attacks, the Resistance fighters carefully hidden between market stalls and the oil soaked engineers wandering the cobbled streets of Coronet. For someone who had complained the whole journey down, Hux likes it here, though he will never admit it. At heart, Hux has always been in tune with machines more than with the living. It is something that Kylo Ren envies- any hobbies he may once have had were destroyed under Snoke's control. He forces his mind away from the memories of his former Master, unwilling to fall into the cycle of the past seven months. It had frightened Hux, he knows, to meet yellow eyes in the morning; that was the inspiration behind his dragging himself out of the pit his mind had dug itself into. _

 

“ _ Where are we going?” _

_ “There's a meeting of ex-loyalists to the First Order happening here today. They're trying to raise the First Order from the ground without support from Snoke, and they've managed to encourage the middle classes that I am bringing about disorder with my rule.” _

_ Hux's speech is more of an answer than Ren was expecting. If he had been broken by Snoke's actions, Hux had been all the more enthused by the death of the former Supreme Leader. Within six days- still in pain from his facial wound and refusing to sleep for more than an hour a night- Hux had conquered four planets without a ground assault of any kind. Ren, at the time, voiceless and burning apart from the inside, had been stunned by the other man's silver tongue. He had watched the holo-vids of the speech Hux had given during the launch of  _ **_Starkiller_ ** _ , felt a chill climbing up his spine that he had never experienced before. _

“ _ Are you sure about showing your face?” _

_ Ren keeps his voice low, hood covering his eyes and slouching ever so slightly over Hux. The thoughts of the milling people around him are mostly calm, no-one has recognised their Emperor without the usual finery and army behind him. Only one- a Resistance fighter, by the feelings being pushed in his direction- has any animosity, and it is not towards Hux but Ren himself. Hux glances at him, green eyes glinting in the sunlight, red hair almost on fire beneath his hat. The expression on his face is the kind of irritated amusement that Ren recognises well, and he can feel the love being pushed towards him through their bond. _

“ _ Why wouldn't I?” _

_ “There's a man here who doesn't like me very much,” he mutters, pressing a hand forcefully into the small of Hux's back and propelling him along faster. Hux makes a noise of disapproval low in his throat but doesn't try to fight him. It makes Kylo Ren feel better, more in control, when his concerns are acknowledged. The Resistance fighter hasn't moved from the stall he appears to be lingering at, head low and the only thing in sight is his mop of dark curls. _

“ _ Who?” _

_ “Poe Dameron. I wouldn't be surprised if the girl and the traitor were here too.” _

_ Hux's face deepens into a scowl, he buries his left hand into his pocket. Ren knows he is clutching at the blaster hidden there, no doubt leaving indentations in the fragile skin of his palm. His own hand lingers carefully on the hilt of his lightsaber, waiting for the right moment. _

  
  


******

Hux rounds the corner of the small alley into a square, that should, by all accounts by full of angry protesters and the loyalists of the First Order trying to bring about its resurrection. Behind him, Ren sucks in a sharp breath that sounds almost painful. Hux lifts his eyes to what had made the other man make such a terrible sound, and sighs.

Poe Dameron grins cheerily at him from the other side of the square, leaning casually with one foot against a crumbling wall. Hux is almost instantly infuriated seeing his face. Beside him, gun in hand and dark eyes boring holes into his face like blaster shots, is the traitorous stormtrooper FN-2187. The girl, Rey, is nowhere to be seen.

 

“Fancy meeting you here.”

Dameron's voice is a slow drawl, his eyes bright and dark and damnably clever. Hux can almost see the wheels turning in his head, the amount of planning this must have taken to ensure he would be here.

“There is no meeting, I suppose?”

“We knew that's what it would take to get you planetside. Protocol never changes.”

FN-2187's voice is no more careful than his companion's, though the grip on his blaster tightens ever so slightly. It had been a shame, having him turn traitor when he did; Hux knows he could easily have been an officer one day. He has never spoken to the man, but he knew of him, and the value he could have had to the First Order.

“You're here to kill me? You have the opportunity,” Hux asks, shifting slightly where he stands. Dameron's eyes track him like a cat watching a mouse in a trap. He may have underestimated the poster boy of the Resistance and his intelligence. FN-2187 has the slightest smile on his face.

“Not kill. We wanted a word.”

 

“The Resistance doesn't do talking, in my experience.”

Hux steps forward. Ren growls behind him, and his lightsaber is buzzing loudly in his hand, close enough that Hux can feel the heat of the blade. Dameron rolls his eyes. FN-2187 shifts, the blaster in his hand moving with his step beside the other man. There is a closeness there that Hux would enjoy exploiting if there wasn't weapons involved.

“This is for you, not him. Ask Ren to turn the lightsaber off and we won't have to fire,” Ren hisses under his breath. Hux turns to look at him sharply, silently asking for- just this once- the other man to listen to him. Angry colour is high in his cheeks, face pulled into a tight scowl.

 

“Where's Rey?” he asks, the first time he has spoken since they entered this mess. Something changes in Dameron's face- a slight twitch in expression- that catches Hux's eye. He files it away for later, wondering what kind of history the young Ben Solo and Poe Dameron could have shared once upon a time. FN-2187 glances at Dameron carefully, and there is trust in his face that makes Hux heart tense. He has seen that expression before, only it had been in Ren's face long ago when the relationship between them had just begun.

“I'm right here, Ben.”

“I told you not to call me that.”

The way Ren strides towards the girl who had seemingly popped out of nowhere is a combination of elder brother fury (this being an emotion Hux had seen frequently when his father's sons had been visiting) and legitimate apprehension. She has her lightsaber in one hand, twirling it casually as if they are meeting for dinner, glinting blue against the cobbles. Compared to Ren's violently unstable and shaking lightsaber, hers looks almost ethereal.

 

“I won't fight you. We're asking you nicely- stop this now. Or we will take action.”

“It's been a year, it's taken you this long to come after me?”

Hux doesn't believe this act for a second. He can recognise a trick when he sees one- has been fighting off assassination attempts since the moment he became Emperor, and long before that upon his promotion to General- and is wholly unimpressed by the Resistance's peacekeeping tactics. Rey's dark eyes narrow at him- the family resemblance is there in her face, in the spark in her face that just screams Force user- over Ren's head. Dameron straightens a little, rolling his shoulders and casting a long, fond gaze in her direction. FN-2187 is practically radiating with pride.

“The Resistance believes that you haven't truly reached a level of damage that justifies us being here. This is a personal call, for the sake of General Organa,” FN-2187 says. 

Ren's shoulders droop ever so slightly. Hux is internally despairing, wondering why he even considered coming to this wretched planet in the first place; anywhere that birthed the likes of Han Solo and his ilk was bound to be a mess to his plans.

“You can tell her I'm not coming home, and this is what we're doing. Nothing is going to change that, we've come too far.”

It is then, hearing Ren's irritatingly rational words and seeing the sudden flash of realization in three sets of eyes, that Hux's patience snaps. He tugs the blaster from his pocket, levelling it carefully between the eyes of Poe Dameron. The man just lets out a long sigh, an expression of pure disappointment on his face.

“Why does it always come to this?”

Hux fires.

 

******

They barely escape with their lives.

Poe Dameron had never realized that Corellians would take so badly to blasters being shot in their one valued square, or that lightsabers could cause so much damage so quickly. He knows now, nursing a sprained ankle, bruised ribs and a migraine that jolts every time Finn jabs a finger into his side as he yells, that he made a mistake.

“And what in hell were you thinking? Defying General Organa and firing at him? Kylo Ren had a  _ lightsaber _ and I know you're the best pilot in the galaxy, but you sure don't have the best co-ordination on the ground!”

 

“Finn. Stop poking him.”

Rey's words do nothing for the situation. Finn keeps poking his ribs regardless, more to emphasis his point than anything, so Poe just sits back and nods along, trying to keep his eyes wide and attentive. It must get through to Finn that he can only catch every three out of the six curses Finn is throwing his way, as he throws himself onto the chair beside the bed, muttering under his breath.

“I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think this through-”

“Damn right you didn't,” Finn says, though the hand that comes to wrap his own is warm and firm and safe. Poe smiles at him softly, knowing he has never deserved two people as good as the two he's got. Rey's own pale hand rests on the mattress beside Poe's bloody one, playing with the sheets as she gently coos to BB-8 on the floor. He is reminded of the three days the two of them had sat in this exact room, waiting for Finn to come around and the expression on her face when she had went away to find Luke.

“And I regret everything I have done in the past day, even if you both agreed to come along with me once you heard it was from General Organa,” Poe adds, before Finn can say anything else. The fight goes out of the other man as quickly as it had came, his fingers rising to trace the stitched wound on his forehead. Rey has a graze on her left cheek she gleefully showed off the moment they landed, pointing out the chip in her lightsaber where Kylo Ren had attempted to wrench it from her grip halfway through the fight to anyone who would look. (Poe is so, so proud of her).

 

They have been silent for a long time, waiting patiently for someone to come in and yell at their behaviour in the field, before Rey speaks.

“Did you see the way Hux grabbed your ear?”

She says absently, pointing to the bruise on Poe's ear that aches as soon as she mentions it. He does remember the way the General- who is clearly hiding deceptive strength beneath those shoulder pads of his- had almost ripped it from his head when he'd gotten close enough to strangle the breath out of his pasty neck.

“How did he learn to do that?” Finn asks, in much the same tone. Poe just shakes his head at the wall in front of him, unsure and no longer wanting to evaluate everything that happened during the fight only four hours ago. BB-8 beeps again, reminding them all of the way Kylo Ren had clutched at Hux when the two had walked away, surrounded by smoke and fire.

 

******

_ A week passes. _

_ Then another. _

_ Something within Hux- a deep, dark part that Kylo Ren barely knows even after all their time together- changes; he becomes more withdrawn with his thoughts, his schemes than he has before. The hours they spend with one another halve and then quarter. Ren despairs, taking to wandering the hallways of the  _ **_Finalizer_ ** _ until he can bear returning to Hux's quarters and lay watching him work through the night.  _

“ _ Are you alright?” _

_ Hux answers the question with a distracted nod, and doesn't even look his way. It does nothing to ease Ren's worries, so in a fit of desperate madness and the wish to avoid having to destroy something valuable to regain Hux's attention, he goes to Phasma. _

 

_ The woman does not appreciate his barging in on her lesson with the troopers, but follows him none the less to a quieter section of the ship where he can stare moodily through the viewports. Ren appreciates the order of her thoughts more than he will ever admit. _

 

“ _ There's something wrong with him.” _

_ “Why are you coming to me with your concerns, Lord Ren?” _

_ Ren scowls at her beneath the hood. He imagines her expression doesn't change, though her thoughts show some degree of irritation. She has never been one to coddle him, esteems his abilities but rarely (except for the  _ **_plan_ ** _ ) gets involved with actual issues. _

“ _ He won't listen to me. He listens to you.” _

_ “Have you tried speaking to him?”  _ _ s _ _ he asks with no small amount of patience. Ren turns to stare at the stars outside of the ship, thinking over what had caused this. There was a side to Hux that desired to look after his people no matter what it took, and seeing the houses around them burn in the square of Corellia had broken it. He knows that children- babies- had burned to death in the buildings their battle with the Resistance had damaged. _

“ _ I can't. His words mean nothing, his mind is a mess.” _

_ Phasma reaches up and carefully removes her helmet. Ren remembers the first time he had ever seen her face, had been startled at the sly cunning in her eyes. She is smarter than any of them give her credit for, could probably be leading this Empire herself if she had any of the desire to do so. He meets those eyes now, bluer than the lights above their head, and knows that he may be about to ask for help. _

 

“ _ I killed Snoke for him, I gave him the world, and he's not happy.” _

_ “Imagine if you had to rebuild everything you knew, without any foundations to begin,” she says. Kylo Ren turns his face away, unable to look at her any longer knowing how right she is. He had lost everything with his fall to the Dark- his mother, father, everything Ben Solo ever had- but killing Snoke, once he had found his way through the trauma, had been the clearest thing he has ever done. Hux, he had never lost anything except for  _ **_Starkiller_ ** _ and that had broke him nearly clean in two. _

“ _ How can I help him if he doesn't want me to?” _

_ A chrome armoured hand comes to rest on his forearm, carefully, as if Phasma expects him to snap it clean in two. Ren jerks at the contact, unused to being touched but admiring her bravery at doing so. He waves a hand and his hood falls, trusting her to see his face. _

“ _ I don't know.” _

_ The honesty hurts like a lightsaber to the face. _

 

******

“I'm asking you this once, as a favour to who your family was. Put the weapons down , ” Hux demands over the loudspeaker. 

The  _ Finalizer  _ is situated over Rakata Prime, thirteen of their pilots prepared to go planetside and take the remainder of the Tarkin family into custody. Hux has tolerated more than enough from this family, out of respect for their history, but burning copies of his speeches and waving blasters at passers by crossed a line even he would not touch. According to the information being brought their way by spies, another fire has been lit in the public square. Hux forces away the urge to drown himself in his cup of caf and instead settles for pacing the bridge, hands in tight fists at his sides.

Mitaka keeps away, standing in the furthest corner, typing frantically on his data-pad with the occasional glance at the doors, as if hoping Kylo Ren will come in and take away the tension.

 

“Are the pilots close enough for a visual?” he calls, hoping at least one of his officers is still listening amongst the shouting to the crew they have aboard the other Star Destroyers. Nobody answers but a camera zooms suddenly into focus on the main monitor, fast enough that Hux catches the flare of the system's sun.

“I can solve this.”

Ren appears beside him, as if out of nowhere. Hux can only imagine Mitaka's relief _ (and what a strange time it is, for Mitaka to be glad to see Kylo Ren) _ . Hux says nothing to the other man, just out stretches a hand to clutch onto his robes. He knows the other man is painfully- enough that gives him a virtually instant headache- worried about him; enough that he's been going out at odd hours in the night cycle to pace about like a sickly crow.

“I don't need you to solve it right now.”

“The pilots don't want to shoot at the family of Tarkin. I have no such qualms.”

Hux shoots him a look out of the corner of his eye, privately searching for the searing yellow that had coated Ren's irises, the look of pure hatred that led to the destruction of most of their medical droids in the first weeks of their return from Themis. He runs his bare, chilly fingers over the scar on his cheekbone, musing for a moment. Having Kylo Ren destroy the line of Tarkin would be a new high for his Empire: to remove the history meant to remove the outcome. He can easily cover it up as a public assassination, so long as no damned Resistance fighters arrive.

“Do it. Destroy all of them. Don't make it look like an accident.”

Ren's eyes gleam at him, delighted. Hux has to resist the urge to lean over and press a kiss to that smiling mouth, knowing that the officers would not dare gossip amongst themselves in his range of hearing. He settles for digging his fingers into Ren's side, directly over the scar from the Wookiee bowcaster. Ren grunts low in his throat, whether from the pain or the attention, Hux is not sure.

 

_ 'I love you.' _

_ 'Bring me back some skulls.' _

Ren apparently has no such problem as making a scene in front of the crew. He leans over, hands coming up to tangle in Hux's hair, and presses a searing kiss to his mouth. This is the first time in over a year that he feels truly safe, pressed into Ren's tight grip.

“I'll bring you back their heads , ”  h e breathes before stepping away, hair tangled around his face and colour high in his cheeks. The pleased grin on his face is swiftly covered with his hood, hiding the sheen in his eyes that screams of delight at being let out to release his love for violence.

Hux has never loved him as much as he does in that moment, trembling hands buried in his pockets and a small, genuine smile growing on his face.

 

******

It is the nightmares that break him apart once again.

A month after the battle in Coronet, Hux snaps awake to the sight of blood running down the walls of his room. He is aware, rationally, that this is not real. The children killed in the battle had not been his responsibility; creating  _ Starkiller  _ had brought about thousands, if not millions, more dead children than the four fires in the Corellian square had caused. Knowing that it is physically impossible for the walls to bleed with the lifeforce of the dead, does not take the panic in his chest away. Not even sitting up slowly, maintaining the belief that everything should be handled in a contained and internal way, takes away the sight. He squeezes his eyes shut, blocking off his mind in the hope that he will not wake Ren with his dramatics.

 

“You did not cause this , ” Hux says to himself sharply, voice sounding like an echo in his bedchamber. Millicent's wide green eyes open to blink lazily at him for a moment, concern raising the hair around the back of her neck. He is tempted to lean over and tug her to him, to bury his face in her fur and just let everything out. Ren shifts beside him, still asleep, reminding Hux of what he could lose by giving in to the temptation of showing his weaknesses.

“This isn't what I wanted. I didn't plan for this , ”  h e says instead, voice shaking in a way he is unused to after so long of keeping it together. Tears begin to drip from his eyes, slowly at first and then all at once, as if his body is desperate to purge this weakness from his system as quickly as possible. He presses his fingers below his left eye socket, thumb fitting easily into the crescent moon carved into his skin. Hux's breath stutters in his throat as he struggles to breathe around the lump that has grown there. He has not struggled like this for years.

“Being Emperor was supposed to change something. Be better. And it isn't.”

 

The arms that wrap around him in the next moment are tight and gentle when they tug him back down to the pillows, the man they belong to peering at him through a mop of thick, dark hair. Hux can barely raise his eyes to meet Ren's. Nothing in their bond suggests that Ren heard a word of what Hux had been saying, only that he had realized he wasn't where he was supposed to be and woke up accordingly.

“What's wrong?”

Ren presses a soft kiss to Hux's hairline, holding him as if afraid that he will shatter in two. Hux misses the days of wild, uncontrollable passion and the way rooms would smash around them. He misses having secrets and the knowledge of Ren's name being only his  _ (hearing that girl speak it had been enough to make his fury rise)  _ and the weeks of plotting the demise of Snoke. Nothing- not even the liberation of planets and seeing his dreams finally come to fruition- had managed to fill the whole of what his life  _ once  _ was.

“Do you ever miss it? Before?” Hux breathes into Ren's shoulder, burying his face into the crook of his neck. He feels Ren's hands pass over his hair carefully, his mind broadcasting his indecision at what answer would satisfy Hux the most. He does not like seeing others cry. It is strangely childlike in a man such as Ren, and yet it makes Hux give the smallest of smiles around his tears.

“I wouldn't change a thing , ” Ren says eventually, digging his nails into Hux's back. Hux lifts his head, tears drying on his face, to meet the shrewd expression on the other man's face. Ren looks so impossibly young at moments like this, when the world around them is silent and the only thing that matters is the two of them in this bed. Hux has never truly loved until Ren. Has never known it to be something other than what mothers tell their sons to make them sleep during rainstorms. He has given all of himself- every bad memory and every little shred of his soul- to the one person who could destroy them all if he so wanted.

 

“I love you , ” Hux breathes, and there is an air of desperation there that he hates but would not take back for a second. 

Ren stares at him, long and hard, seeing too much and then some before tugging Hux upwards, enough that they can watch each other without putting aches in their necks. He goes easily enough, reaching out with a shaking hand to pull Ren towards him, pressing kisses after kisses along the sharp line of his jaw, over the thin skin of his eyelids, at least a dozen to the scar halving his face. It is only when he stops that Ren reaches out, rolling Hux onto his back to hover above him, face still clouded. His hair falls against Hux's chest when he scoots down to tug the thin set of pants away from Hux's legs, movements infuriatingly slow and kind. This isn't what Hux wants; he wants the violent, anger filled sex of the past. He makes Ren aware of this and all he gets is a wicked grin that glimmers in the dark.

“Just let me make you better , ” Ren whispers, biting at the tender skin on the inside of Hux's thighs. It takes all the control he has not to scream out loud, knowing damn well that Ren will only laugh at him if he does. Hux tips his head back, enough that the fingers wrap around his dick, he smashes his head against the headboard with his movements.

That alone is enough to set Ren laughing.

 

Hux makes him quiet soon enough.

 

******

“He worries about you , ” Phasma tells him shortly after he finishes dabbing at the cut on his hand with an antibacterial wipe, barely listening around the thumping in his obviously concussed head. 

Hux barely has the energy to look at her, looming over him on the transport shuttle, but he nods anyway. He knows that Kylo Ren is more than worried- he has felt him rummaging around in his brain at all hours of the day, digging into memories he should not be touching to find out the source of his unhappiness. It never seems to cross his mind that Hux is just unhappy with everything in his life, except for Ren- he is the only saving grace left.

“I'm aware.”

Hux tugs out a bandage, unwilling to waste perfectly good bacta strips on a minor wound like this, squinting underneath the lights at the way the blood seems to have completely congealed where the glass had been wrenched out. He is suddenly glad that he left Ren back on the ship, instead of bringing him down to AZ-119 like he had originally planned.

Phasma- apparently taking notice of the fact he is struggling to wrap the gauze around his palm- sits beside him and takes his hand in hers, swiftly wrapping up the injury with barely a moment's notice for his flinching. Being inside a building upon which fifteen bombs had been detonated upon his arrival had taught them both a lesson; his rule is not running as smoothly as they had hoped long ago.

 

“Who was it this time?”  h e asks, running his unwounded hand through hair that feels as if it will never be clean again. It was not the explosion, nor the screams, that had made him fall; it had been the way the ground opened up beneath them, swallowing anyone who got in the way whole. Hux has seen bombings before, orchestrated a few of them himself, but he has never been inside a room as the detonators hit zero before now.

“Extremists. Not Resistance. I imagine they aren't pleased with what happened in Corellia.”

Phasma's voice is level, careful, as if she knows the wounds she is picking at with her words. Her armour is only slightly dented, and her face will most likely bear not a single wound. Hux can only wish for her luck.

“What happened in Corellia is as much the Resistance's fault as it is mine , ”  h e says, voice sharper than intended. The events of Corellia- the shoot out between Hux, Ren and the three from the Resistance; the fires following a misplaced blaster shot (whether it had been from Hux himself or Dameron, no-one is certain) that had claimed the lives of at least forty- became public knowledge two weeks later. Hux is still not certain who the leak was, though he knows that if Ren ever gets his hands on the spy, there will be no cleaning the damage from the walls of his ship.

 

“What are the chances this is to do with Tarkin.”

His words are more of a statement than a question, though he is already calculating the probabilities in his head. None of the numbers he is coming up with are anywhere near positive. The Tarkin family had been beloved amongst the supporters of the lost Empire, and practically royalty within the First Order. His destruction of the line is bound to bring upon some form of retribution at some time or another; a family so close to Vader and the Emperor was bound to have underworld connections.

“Incredibly slim. I imagine the Republic is celebrating the death of his family.”

“I imagine they'll be doing more than that. More likely planning a full scale attack on our armies, maybe even on the  _ Finalizer  _ itself.”

Hux narrows his eyes at the floor in front of his dust covered feet. In the eleven hours, sixteen minutes and forty two seconds of this day so far, he has learned more about the state of the galaxy than he has in the thirty six years he has been alive. Things in his Empire had begun to rot at its core, festering with infection, and he needs to find a cure- drastic or otherwise- to prove his capabilities as a ruler. The Corellia battle had been the first stepping stone, AZ-119 had begun a war they could not even possibly be prepared for unless they had funding elsewhere. From the Resistance. He sits up straight, ignoring the thundering in his head like galloping horses and the stinging ache of his injured hand.

“We need to make a statement that we will not be threatened.”

The grin that blooms on his mouth is positively wicked.

 

**

“General Organa? You might want to see this.”

Finn's voice is confused; as if what he is seeing on the holo-projector cannot possibly be true. Leia drops the data-pad one of the three attendants standing around her had offered her, striding to stand beside him and peer at the broadcast. Upon the screen, draped in his usual black with hair like fire shining in the sun, Emperor Hux's ice green eyes gleam, as if he is pleased by the situation. She finds her eyes landing on the scar on his cheek, the way it curves, and knows exactly who gave it to him. This is the first time the Emperor has used this channel to communicate with the Resistance directly; until the disaster in Corellia, Hux stayed on his side of the galaxy and they managed to keep theirs.

“I assume I am addressing General Leia Organa of the Resistance. You will be delighted to know that no harm has came to your son in the months following my rise to my position as Emperor. It is on that subject that I use this channel today, knowing that you will be on the other side of this transmission. I assume you are aware of what occurred on AZ-119 three days ago, and the part in which your organization played in my attempted assassination.”

 

Leia can feel Finn's eyes staring holes into the side of her head. The words dropping from Hux's mouth are done with a sickening amount of satisfaction, as if he is enjoying every moment of this. And yet, even through the screen, she can feel something is  _ wrong  _ about him. The Darian Stanford Hux of the past, the son of Brendol, would not have stooped as low as broadcasting the events of their disagreements to the galaxy. He would have struck, in the dead of night, and taken their whole base down within an hour, no words required.

“Do you feel that?”  s he asks, knowing Rey hovers at her side, fingers dancing over the spare parts from her newly  assigned X-Wing. The girl glances at her with Luke's calm, measured eyes and nods. Leia can so clearly see her brother in her that it makes her chest feel tight, wishing (for that is the only thing she can do now, with most things lost to the Dark Side) that Rey will never lose the goodness that so defines her.

 

“He's broken. Like he's living a half life , ” Rey says curiously, stretching out with the Force to touch the man on the other end of the transmission. Leia can feel the brilliant dance of it around them both at all times, though it curves more in her niece's favour than it does her. Her father- Anakin, Bail Organa was something more than that- has described it as fate, in one of his more melancholy moments. She can feel him now, lurking beside his granddaughter with a smile on his young, overly wise face, pride radiating from every pore.

“How long can a man live like that?” Finn asks. 

If Leia sees Luke within the heart of Rey, it is Han that she sees reflected in Finn's dark eyes. His sharp wit, his determination, his bravery. His love. She misses him like a piece of her soul is gone, and she can see the same damage happening to Hux as the transmission continues.

“Not for long. It will eat him alive , ”  s he adds, reaching out and turning the holo-projector off. Finn and Rey come closer, the two of them wrapping their arms over her shoulders in a show of protection. Leia Organa has lived a cursed life, she knows that now, and yet in this moment, she feels as if she is watching the same life being lived again in the heart of Emperor Hux.

 

_ (And if later, in her office with the door firmly closed and Poe Dameron at her side, she will put the transmission on for a third time, and watch the dark head that lingers just behind Hux, his face hidden from the camera the whole time. Poe will slam his elbows into the desk, let out a long breath, and rise to his feet. _

 

“ _ I'll bring him home if I have to drag him myself _ _ , _ _ ”  _ _ h _ _ e grits out, and the words sound like pebbles being ripped away by an ocean. Leia presses her hand to his arm and he sags forward, breath sharp in his chest. She has mourned Ben for so long it feels as if the pain will never end, and yet, seeing his childhood best friend- his brother- like this, is a new needle in her heart.) _

  
  


******

Kylo Ren dreams of rain.

It is enough to make Hux smile into the darkness, bent over his desk and eyes beginning to blur from the brightness of his data-pad screen. He turns his chair to stare at the bed, at the lump beneath the blankets that is his love. Nothing-  from his own mind to the reports of uprisings throughout his Empire- makes sense anymore, and yet  Kylo never changes. His anger, his passion, his loyalty, his  _ love _ ; none of that has faded. Hux only wishes he could say the same about himself, he has begun to feel unsteady in his own head in a way that he has never experienced before. Doubt has become his tormentor and anxiety his torturer. Not even counting his TIE fighters or ordering the crew improves his spirits.

 

And yet, seeing the faded visions that pass through their bond as Kylo Ren sleeps is enough to make him sit up straight and truly think. His childhood home, Arkanis,  was a planet trapped beneath a giant raincloud. He can only truly recall seeing sunshine in the gaps of rain, or when snow had come twice when he was a child. Rain is not something that Darian Hux has spent a lot of time considering in the past eighteen years.

Hux blows out a long breath and reaches into his drawer for a packet of cigarettes, the last of his supply until they can find a planet to safely land upon long enough to restock. There's only three left, so he takes his time with it, enough that he almost burns his fingers twice. Hux cannot even muster up the energy to be irritated at himself for being careless. He lets himself float in Ren's thoughts- clearly the other man had lived in more than one place that rained, the rooms in his memory are never the same, and there is one with a pink balloon that sticks in his mind- for what could be minutes or hours, though it can't have been long.

 

“Hard as ice but no heart of stone , ” Hux mutters at some point, dropping his cigarette into the ash tray, and rolling his shoulders until they crack painfully. The words are one of his clearest memories of his father, as he had been when Hux was a child, and the reaction of his mother. Her brown eyes- darker than anything the young boy had ever seen- had narrowed angrily at her husband though her expression never changed. To this day, and in his more dramatic moments, Hux wonders if he hadn't been speaking of Leia Organa but rather Elizabeth Gardia-Hux instead. Millicent , unimpressed with his show of exaggeration and wanting attention that only he can give her , hops up onto the desk to stand between Hux and his data-pad. The warning is clear enough and it is enough to make him lean forward and bury his face in her fur. Millicent gives a loud purr.

Hux goes to bed.

 

“Did you grow up around rain?”  h e asks one morning , having  shaken Ren awake to ask this exact question. The dreams have become more frequent, similar and clear- a little house with an old tin roof miles from a tiny town, rainstorms and thunder at odd hours, a pink balloon dancing at a window. Ren squints at him through his unruly mop of dark hair, bemused and half asleep in the dawn light. He looks as if he is about to laugh, it is enough to make Hux repeat the question again.

“I grew up between Naboo and Corsucant, so no.”

“You dream of rain. A house and a pink balloon at a window , ” Hux tells him matter of factly, not wanting the dreams to go away but not  enjoying being the only one aware of them. Ren raises an elegant eyebrow, his mind clearly elsewhere. He stretches out a pale, freckled arm to grab Hux's hand in his own, tracing his thumb against the side of Hux's wrist. It is soothing in its repetitive motion, enough that he lays back and rests his head on Ren's shoulder.

“Must be a vision. I get those, sometimes. We all do,” Ren says after a minute of silence, pressing a gentle hand to Hux's hair. 

The room is pleasantly warm aboard the  _ Finalizer  _ at this time ; Hux has no desire to leave his bed for whatever meeting he has to attend today. He has heard of Ren's visions before- finding the planet upon which they had built  _ Starkiller  _ had only been the first of such moments- but has never felt them so clearly as he does now.

“I saw you, victorious, after killing Snoke. I knew then I had to follow you no matter where you took us, because the Force never lies. Not on matters like this.”

“So the house with the tin roof and balloon?  Whose is it?” Hux asks, nipping at Ren's shoulder with his teeth. He reaches down to tug at the other man's sleepwear, determined to get something out of them being awake so early. Ren grins above him, pleased and sleepy looking in a way that sends Hux's heart thumping in his chest.

“Only time will tell , ”  h e manages before Hux is on top of him, biting bruises into the fragile skin of his throat and pressing his weight down enough that Ren almost breaks the lighting fixture from the ceiling when he screams.

 

(Later, he will find that the door leading to the fresher has buckled in its frame and partially curved in on itself from their activities. The look of pride on Ren's face is enough to make him avoid calling the maintenance crew to fix it).

 

******

“If anything was to ever happen to me, what would you do?”  h e asks Phasma, voice low to ensure the rest of the bridge does not hear. She does not visibly startle but the grip on her blaster tightens ever so slightly. Hux glares out at his officers- the men and women pledged to defend his Empire for as long as he is here- until he becomes unsure if she will answer the question, tightening his hands into fists at his sides. 

“I would carry on, as I would imagine you would want me  to. ”    
Her voice comes eventually, in fits and bursts, uncharacteristic to her usual confidence. It has been a very real possibility for the past year, and even more in recent months, that an assassination attempt could easily become successful. Hux has had to think of these contingencies when Ren is not in the room, just to ensure his wishes are acknowledged if something should happen to him, and to avoid any damage being done to his walls. 

“And Ren?”   
“He would die without you. I wouldn’t be able to stop that.”    
She is sure. Hux does not doubt that Ren would be worn away by grief, he has seen it before with the death of his father; even with the death of Snoke, Ren had mourned, though he had been confused as to why he had (Hux, at the time, did not have the heart to tell him that sometimes one misses their tormentors once they are gone).  

  
  


“You told me once that if he found out I had lied to him, he would destroy us all. Do you still believe that?”   
If the plan Hux has in mind- carefully hidden within his data-pad and buried deep in the part of his mind that is still entirely his own- is to work, he has to believe in Ren’s survival. That he will be able to carry on what they have achieved. Phasma’s helmet turns towards him, he can only imagine the way her eyes are narrowing at him, that incredible brain of hers turning with thoughts sly enough to make her an Empress should she ever wish. 

“I know it. He would ruin the galaxy for you if you asked.”    
“That’s what I’m afraid of , ” Hux murmurs to himself as she turns away, steps only slightly uneven and not noticeable to anyone else on the bridge. He prays- to the Force, as he has been doing more and more recently- that she will keep this conversation between the two of them. That Ren will not find out about his doubts, so well hidden that no-one can see them. 

 

The kisses Ren presses to his hairline when he enters his chambers that night are enough to makes his eyes sting with tears. The other man is surprised, then pleased, when Hux wraps his arms around him and buries his face into Ren’s shoulder. They  would hold one another like this , in the hours before Hux went back to grovelling to Snoke and Ren to ripping himself apart in an attempt to reach Luke Skywalker. Ren’s hair is warm beneath his wandering fingertips, curled from hours beneath the hood and his shoulders slumped to let Hux reach up on his toes. 

 

He has loved Kylo Ren for six years. He does not intend to stop any time soon.

 

And that night, when Ren is in the shower, humming childhood lullabies to himself, Hux begins his search for freighters journeying to the furthest sections of the Outer Rim, one hand pressed to his mouth as he bites down into the skin. 

 

**

There is no concrete plan, at least not at first.

All Hux knows is, for the first time in his life, he has an overwhelming desire to  _ run _ . Away from this life he has built for himself, away from Phasma and from Ren. He craves silence in a way he never has before, and the three hours he gets to himself per day is no longer enough. Politics has been the highlight of Hux’s life since he was old enough to understand what they were; now he finds himself tired of dealing with seemingly never ending skirmishes on rebelling planets. It would be easier, he imagines, to just disappear in the night. Phasma could carry on his work well enough, and with Ren at her side, the two would be formidable. 

 

It takes two weeks for Hux to realize this is indeed what he intends to do. 

Waking up to Ren’s sleeping face, relaxed in a way it had never been until the death of Snoke, and the feeling of his palm pressed against his ribs is enough to almost make Hux crack. It is only watching him, the tiny details he has taken for granted these past four years, the damage his schemes have done to both of them in the time they have been together, that allows Hux to finally make an informed decision. He presses a kiss to Ren’s warm forehead, strokes his fingers down Millicent’s back gently, and pulls himself out of bed to face the day.

  
  


** 

Hux does one final walk around his ship the morning before he intends to leave. 

It has been three months. His mind has not wavered once in the whole time this has been a secret, the data-pad in his pocket seems to burn with the lies he is spinning. Ren has been in a better mood than Hux has ever seen, his mind finally shaking off the last of the trauma he had sustained during the fight with Snoke. As if in memory, his own trembling fingers rise to trace the scar branded into his cheek for life. That will be difficult to cover. 

 

The  _ Finalizer  _ has been his home longer than Arkanis or any of the other Star Destroyers in their fleet had been. Longer than his short lived  _ Starkiller _ , and it is strange that his heart no longer aches in memory at everything he lost that day. His fury at the girl Rey and the traitor (sources tell him that the stormtrooper has changed his name to Finn) and Poe Dameron has not waned, though he finds himself fascinated by their dynamic upon watching them in battle. Hux only hopes that Ren and Phasma will fight back should they find themselves cornered as they had on Corellia that day; watching the homes of children burn had been a powerful influence upon his choice, and Hux only hopes he can find a way to move past it once he leaves. 

 

_ “Emperor Hux? A message for you on your private line.”  _

“Put it through.”   
Hux may as well deal with one final complaint before he goes. Force knows Ren won’t be as forgiving as he normally is, the officer in question will probably be slammed a few times against the ceiling for good measure. His lungs burn with the need to finally give into this overwhelming feeling of despair he has come to call his closest companion, to cry and scream in frustration at himself for ever having such large dreams. Instead, he forces himself to stand up straight, reminded of another time he had stood in a hallway, taking a call and wishing he were elsewhere. 

“Hux here. What do you want?” 

_“I have found the location of Elizabeth Gardia_ _,_ _i_ _f you’re still interested.”_ _  
_The voice that speaks is not one that Hux recognises, though he knows that numerous spies are in his employ throughout the galaxy. Putting out an order for information had been child’s play for a man so used to giving orders ; it had been worth parting with twenty five thousand credits. Hux raises his gaze to the view-ports to stare at his reflection- so like his mother, he realizes now, with her flame red hair and sharp features, her fragile pale skin- in the glass. It has been twenty one years since he last saw his mother, barely out of childhood, watching as her ship disappeared into the morning light, never to be seen again.

“Tell me.”   
_ “You’ll be glad to know she was not in the Hosnian system as believed.” _

“What do you mean?”   
Hux had been so sure, convinced even, she had remained with his cousins. Their winter home had been based at one of the planets in the doomed system ; knowing she lied to him as a boy sets his gut churning. 

_ “She’s a resident of Naboo, has been for years.”  _

He swallows sharply against the surprised noise that attempts to escape his throat. Naboo is one of the few planets  where he has managed to keep control  of , with much difficulty, in the past year. Knowing his mother has been there- possibly since the moment she left- is a punch to the chest he does not need when he is on the verge of ripping his life to shreds. 

“Very well. Your payment will be delivered as soon as this transmission ends.” 

 

He crushes the comm in his fingers until there  are sparks threatening to set his coat on fire. Hux lets out a long breath, no longer able to look at his reflection for the fear that she will be standing over his shoulder. Elizabeth Gardia was supposed to have died at the hands of  _ Starkiller _ , and now he knows she is still alive. His heart tightens until his sides ache with a fierce agony he has not felt since being held aloft by Snoke in those final moments. 

_ ‘I need to see you.’  _

Ren answers back with a fierce need. 

 

******

"I love you. I love you," he breathes into Ren's skin that night, over and over until the words blur together. Ren moans low and deep in his throat, breathing heavily with his head thrown back into the pillows. Sweat runs from his temples into the dark, wavy hair on the pillow. Hux presses a kiss into the soft pale skin of his thighs, still murmuring the words until both of them are screaming one another's name.   
  
And later, when Ren is collapsed in a heap in the middle of the bed, all but dead to the world, Hux lifts himself carefully from beside him. Presses a hand into his hair gently and a kiss against his forehead. Ren shifts slightly, murmuring something. Hux forces himself not to stay, wrap his arms back around that tall body and listen to dreams of rain.    
  
But he cannot do that.   
Instead, he stands beside the bed, as naked as the day he was born, watching Ren for what may be the last time. He has no intention of coming back to this empire, the reign he had spent so long preparing for. And even though leaving Ren feels as if his heart is trying to throw itself from an air lock, Hux knows he will never stray from this path now that his mind is made.    
  
"Look after yourself."   
One step, past the bed.   
"Be safe."   
To the door. If Hux turns he can see the outline of Ren in the mirrored screen over the bedroom door. Millicent meows from her carrier, unhappy.    
"I love you."   
And then he is gone.

 

******

“You need to come with me.”   
Rey’s voice is insistent. Poe lifts his head from where he is wedged beneath his X-Wing with Finn, carefully pointing out the parts in an effort to teach the other man about engineering (Finn loves it, though he enjoys teaching more, and Poe loves him). BB-8 boops at her happily, dancing dangerously close to the edge of the wing in an attempt to reach her. 

“What is it?”   
Finn is on his feet and scrubbing oil stains from his hands within seconds. Poe tugs himself out of the tiny space with a groan, rubbing black stains across his face since Finn has stolen his last clean rag. He’s too old for this. Poe decided months ago- when they had first started this  _ thing  _ between the three of them- that he would keep his complaining to a minimum with people so young around (he already gets enough old man jokes from the squad). Rey must hear his thoughts because the smile she shoots him is just on the wrong side of too bright (and yet, his heart tightens with the adoration he has carried for her for over eleven months). 

“It’s Hux. He’s gone , ”  s he says. Finn drops his rag. BB-8 squeals. Poe sighs, long and hard, wondering why he even bothered to get up this morning. 

  
Later, holding a compress to his head and assuring BB-8 that cracking his head against the side of his ship had not been intentional, Poe meets General Organa’s eyes across the console in the centre of the briefing room. She ha d been mostly silent during Threepio’s explanation, except to ask the occasional question, but there is not much more that can be said. Emperor Hux, having ruled for only a year and in a way that Poe considers to be more dramatic than Palpatine himself, is gone. Disappeared in the night and (unsurprisingly) most of the blame has been pinned upon the Resistance. He can only imagine the damage that Ben- no, Kylo Ren is doing aboard that Star Destroyer they share with the news. 

 

“What do we do?” Finn asks, his fingers reaching out to tangle with Rey’s. Poe presses his free hand against the small of his back, able to feel the lightsaber scar through the thin, green shirt Finn is wearing. He can’t feel sorry for what Kylo Ren has became, or the damage he had done to those he left behind, but he does pity the heartbreak he is no doubt feeling right now. Poe knows all too well what it’s like to pine after your own feelings ; the evidence is right in front of him. 

“What can we do? No-one here touched him. We swore no fealty to him when he rose , ” Leia says, and her voice is as powerful as Poe remembers it from his childhood, bent over one of his mother’s flight manuals or singing to himself as he climbed the Force tree in their garden. He had known Luke briefly, but the princess he has known his entire life. Her eyes are locked on Poe’s own, as if asking his opinion, and he gives a nod beneath the bag of ice pressed to the bruise on his forehead. She looks away to watch the rest of the crew gathered around the console, her face lined with weariness. 

 

(It is at times like this that Poe wishes he could tug Kylo Ren home by that hair of his and make him face what he has done).

 

“Why would he run?” Rey murmurs, more to herself than anyone else. Finn’s fingers are carefully tracing the pale skin of her wrist, soothing and gentle. Poe stands behind the two of them, silently pushing thoughts of the happy kind into the developing bond between the three of them; it is difficult even for him, surrounded by this kind of frustrated misery. 

“Politics isn’t everything. It ruins lives as much as it saves them.”   
Leia turns and leaves as soon as the words leave her mouth, surrounded by attendants that create an almost barrier between her and anyone wanting to continue speaking. 

 

Rey’s eyes are filled with worry- she is too young, they both are, to be feeling like this- as she watches her aunt walk away, sniffing miserably. Finn reaches for her just as Poe does, the three of them awkwardly wrapping their arms around one another in the suddenly empty room. Her hair is soft beneath his chin, Finn’s fingers dig into his right bicep almost compulsively, claiming what is his. Poe starts to hum, quietly at first then a little louder (accompanied by BB-8 at irregular intervals) when he feels the two of them begin to shake in his arms. Soon he has both Rey and Finn smiling up at him, and it is enough to ease some of the terror beginning to dig into the parts of his brain where Kylo Ren still lurks.

“I love you both so much , ”  Poe tells them and tries not to blush when they plant equally huge kisses on his mouth within seconds of each other. BB-8 does a delighted wiggle and spends the next two hours beeping to anyone who will listen about how much they are in love.

 

(Poe is too old for this.)

 

**_**_ **

_ The year that follows is the worst of Kylo Ren’s life.  _

_ He had thought the aftermath of falling to the Dark had been devastating, the days had blurred the longer he spent in Snoke’s ghastly citadel, but this is so much worse. Killing his own father had not burned as badly as this does; Kylo Ren’s heart feels as if it is being torn apart.  _

 

_ All he has is memories- the warm smile passed across a room, how soft Hux’s bright red hair had been once he had methodically combed all the gel from it, the feeling of him that last night, before he ran away- and the vision of the house with the little tin roof in which there  _ _ was _ _ a pink balloon, dancing in the breeze. The one place Hux may be is the one place in the galaxy that could be anywhere, and he cannot spend the rest of his life (though his heart aches to do so) trawling for a man who clearly does not want to be found.  _

_   
_ _ (Ren is so glad that Hux took Millicent when he left. He does not think he could bear seeing her face).  _

 

_ Their Empire begins to crumble, lost without its leader, and Ren is glad to see it gone.  _

_ Phasma resumes control though there is no heart in her orders or her commands. She spends her time with her remaining troopers, preparing them for battle  _ _ from which _ _ no-one will return should it occur. Neither of them have slept in days _ _ ; _ _ Ren has taken to drinking the last of Hux’s coffee supply in an attempt to keep his memory alive. Mitaka lurks in the corner of the bridge, half heartedly issuing orders to the planets remaining under their control.  _

_ He and Phasma watch- shoulder to shoulder, passing a bottle of Corellian whisky between them- as both  _ _ Coruscant _ _ and Naboo shake off the hold of the New Empire, pledging allegiance to aid the Resistance in their battle. It is all the push that his mother and her little band of rebels need; by the time the cycle is over, six more planets have been claimed and joined the Resistance.  _

 

_ (He wonders if Hux is watching this _ _ , _ _ wherever he is).  _

 

_ On the one year anniversary of Hux’s disappearance, as they lurk above Arkanis in the hope of finding Hux there (Phasma has not lost the hope that Ren has and dictates they must search for their lost Emperor), they almost lose the  _ **_Finalizer_ ** _ in a fire-fight that leaves them limping away into light speed. Ren smashes the door off the air lock in his fury and sends his shuttle out, flying into as many X-Wings as he can before their own pilots have even scrambled. He does not care if his ship sustains enough damage to fall apart. Kylo Ren lost everything the night Hux ran _ _ ; _ _ he had taken his heart with him wherever he went. It takes thirteen shots to make it clear to the Resistance he will not lose the only part of Hux he has left, and eventually- after three hours- they get the message.  _

 

_ Rey must be nearby, as he can feel her pity, like a dagger in the heart. Ren swears at her, telling her to get out of his head, and wishes for the first time that he was completely alone. She does so after a while, leaving behind the message that his mother wants to speak to him.  _

_ ‘We don’t want you to come home, Ben. Just to talk to you.’ _

_ Ren uses language he picked up at a young age from his father, watching him pilot the Millennium Falcon through asteroid fields in an attempt to show he was a responsible parent. Leia had almost broken the comm she had screamed so loudly, though Ben had been laughing too hard to notice. It is a good memory that he pushes towards Rey before silencing the link between their minds. Hopefully his mother will get the message.  _

 

_ “We’ll lose everything within a week _ _ , _ _ ” Mitaka says one morning, at a briefing that Ren has grudgingly been attending for the past eight months (the first four he had spent methodically destroying each and every part of the ship where he and Hux had spent time- starting with the other man’s quarters). Phasma’s helmet tells him nothing _ _ , _ _ but her thoughts are as dark as Ren’s own. The New Empire had been falling apart long before Hux left, and has been in a downslide into nothingness for over a year now; it had only been Hux’s leadership keeping them afloat.  _

_ “What can we do?”  _ _ o _ _ ne of the officers asks.  _

_ Ren has never bothered to learn their names, though he can identify their thoughts easily enough. He turns his gaze to the man speaking next, eyes narrowed beneath his hood. Being the son of a politician has afforded him certain experiences and the ability to listen to absolute insanity is one of them. The words that follow is exactly that. _

_ “We bring Hux back. It’s the only way or we shall have to pledge fealty to the Resistance.” _

_ Ren rises from the table, looming to his full size and staring at the sixteen officers gathered around the briefing room table. He has never liked politics, prefers to deal with problems that arise by using his lightsaber and the Force. He raises a hand. The officer who had spoken is lifted three feet in the air by his throat, face steadily going a shade of blue that makes Ren almost pleased. He knows that Vader used to do such a thing to those who disobeyed him.  _

_ “I will be the only one searching for the Emperor. The rest of you will carry on.” _ __   
_   
_ _ (Kylo Ren leaves the  _ **_Finalizer_ ** __ that night. He does not intend to return without Hux). 

 

**_**_ **

The world outside is drenched with rain , and overly green. 

After spending most of his life on starships, and before that in the gloomy world of Arkanis, living here has been almost a godsend. The locals- five miles away, by Hux’s count in his first week here- care not for him, so long as his credits pass and his dealings are clean. Most of them are human, though there is a few blue skinned, dark haired with gleaming yellow eyes that Hux cannot identify. They are the ones who watch him closely, though he knows there is no possible way they could recognise him (the Emperor has been gone longer than he ruled). 

 

The planet is called Haven.

It was the irony of the name- after ten weeks of nonstop travel with Millicent clutched close to his chest, moving from shuttle to shuttle, he had been almost delirious with exhaustion- that was the first reason he had decided to go no further in his travels through the Outer Rim. The second, had came much later, once he had finally found a place to call home. 

 

The outhouse is dusty and just on the wrong side of cold as he pushes the door open. A week of non-stop thunderstorms has left the ground outside almost impossible to walk upon, his boots sinking into the mud that seems to be never ending. Hux has given up trying to kick the damage done to his shoes upon entering places like this ; the owner does not care for First Order etiquette. 

“Morning , ”  h e says, deliberately removing the arrogant strength that had once overruled his accent. The man at the desk just nods at him, dark eyes watching suspiciously beneath the thick, white brows. Hux does not like making this journey, walking along roads that blend with the green and muddy landscape around until one can no longer tell where the path begins. His skin has picked up a slight tan, when the two suns occasionally break the clouds, after years spent away from any kind of natural light. Hux- not for the first time, and certainly not for the last- wonders if Ren would like it here, how he would fit into this kind of domesticity. He misses him like a limb taken away by a tragic accident, though he knows this had been his own choice to make. 

 

(Hux has seen some of what is happening to his Empire. He aches for Ren and Phasma). 

 

“The house is fine , in case you were wondering. Rain didn’t get through.”   
“Good. Force knows we’ve had enough this month , ”  t he man says bluntly. Hux has came to like the sharp honesty of the locals  from Haven over time, appreciates it more than the sugar coating his officers had liked to throw around in case Ren happened to be around. Hux points to the bag he has come to call his own, filled with all the supplies he needs to last another month before he has to make this trip again. Five hundred credits and his ability with languages is all the locals ask for in exchange for his business. 

“I ask only one thing in return this time. What’s your name?”   
Hux’s breath stutters in his throat, his hand outstretched to take the simple string bag. It has been so long since he last thought of his name- his connections, his mother and father- and he has almost gotten used to simply being referred to as ‘Red Hair’ by the few children in the village. The man simply watches him with inscrutable brown eyes, waiting.

“Darian. My name is Darian.”   
“There’s a message for you.”    
The bag is dumped on the counter in front of Hux, a data-chip pushed across the surface less than a moment later. Hux stares at it for a long time, barely noticing the man leaving the room entirely and going out the back door. It is only the smell of rain that snaps Hux back to his thoughts, to the very real possibility that Kylo Ren has found him at last. For the first eight months, desperate and alone, wishing for the life he had left behind, Hux had prayed Kylo Ren would find him. After another two of drinking and smoking away his sorrows in his little house with the tin roof (that part of Ren’s vision, ironically enough, had been completely accurate- except for the pink balloon) Hux had realized that Ren- and his Empire-  were never coming for him. 

 

That’s when he took the job as translator for the local people. 

It is easy enough work for someone with his experience; his tactical knowledge has been put to use in solving disputes with their neighbours (though he never attends publicly, in fear for being recognised). Some of the locals, the less wary of outsiders, have welcomed his work. Hux doesn’t mind, so long as he gets the credits to live in his house outside the village.

He snatches up the bag and chip, barely remembering the walk home. 

 

**   
_ 'I heard the Emperor has left. I know he was you, Darian, and what you did to the Hosnian System. I can't help feeling as if this is my fault, for abandoning you with your father when I did. I lied to you about my location.  _ _ I l _ _ et you think I was as bad as he was, as bad as your brothers were. If you are still alive when this message reaches you, I want to meet you again. To see if my boy is still in there, and if he is, I want to help you.'  _   
  
His mother has barely changed in the twenty six years he has not seen her. Older, yes, but her hair is still thick and as red as his own, her dark eyes staring at him in much the same way he is at her. Elizabeth Gardia had been his world until his eleventh birthday. Darian Hux had adored his mother , like most young boys do, had been protected from the world until the parts of his personality influenced by his father began to make themselves known.

  
“Hello.”   
The words ache in his dry throat. Hux wishes he had not been sipping the bottle of whisky in his pantry before this meeting now; he is sure she can smell it on him. Can see the lost man her son has become- unshaven, scarred, with a mop of red curls that  insistently  fall into his face. Her eyes fill with tears seeing him. His own begin to burn in response.   
“You look so much like your father, but you're my son , ”  s he says, reaching for him, and he is powerless to say no. All the years of hatred, the rationalisation as to why she left him behind when she ran, fades in an instant being so close to her again. Hux has never felt forgiveness for another being before now, and he wishes- so badly that his slowly healing heart begins to crack in two again- that Ren could see this. See how far he has came in the time of his absence.    
“I've missed you , ”  h e breathes into his mother's neck, taller than her now but still able to fold himself enough to press his face into her shoulder. She strokes his hair, thin fingers resting gently on his back as she tugs him closer.    
“I know, Darian. I know.” 

 

******

Time passes. 

Hux writes speech after speech for a local politician trying to throw his weight into the trading business; he gets messages from his mother once a month and learns about the new family she has made for herself on Naboo. Upon leaving Arkanis, and his father behind, she had married a man named Ronin after securing a divorce on the grounds of negligence, going  on to have adopted children of her own, as well a daughter with her new husband. Hux is strangely proud of her, now that he knows, and tries to keep his remaining anger to a minimum during their conversations.  

 

His hands become dry and rough from the near constant repairs he has to repair on his little house. It had been Ren’s vision that had guaranteed his staying here- after landing, exhausted and disillusioned, he had seen it from the bottom of the hill and had known. The small house with the tin roof, surrounded by lightning struck trees and rain soaked grass, matched the one Ren had so frequently dreamed of  exactly . A house long abandoned, mostly broken and in a state of disrepair that would have made the old Hux scream with frustration, and just begging for a tenant. The locals had not protested to his moving in.

 

“I thought we might fish this morning,” Hux says to Millicent as she slopes back in through the flap after a night on the hunt. If he likes it here,  then  she is truly in her element. Her ears flatten against her head as she listens , before she hops up on the counter to lurk beside his elbows. His eyes are gritty with exhaustion after a night of near constant nightmares. The caf boiling in front of the fire will hopefully wake  him  up enough  so  that climbing on the roof later will not leave him clumsy and prone to falls. 

“But it all depends. We’re forecast for rain.”    
He strokes his hands through her fur gently, humming softly to himself under his breath. It is a lonely life here on Haven, a quiet domesticity that he thought would bore him to death during his time as General aboard the  _ Finalizer _ , but has came to value more than anything else. He no longer has to operate on a strict schedule and does mostly as he pleases. 

_ ‘Though we are always forecast for rain.’ _

The thought startles him; he has not used his mind like this in a long time, preferring to say everything out loud in case his bond with Ren can still function from such a distance away. Hux turns violently away from the counter in front of the window, pacing irritatedly on the tiled floor until he can feel the frustration draining away (the years of digging his nails into his palms to conserve energy are long gone; his anger is one of the only things that has sustained him here). Hux rakes a hand through his hair, catching his fingers in the thick red curls that have bounced after so long being trapped beneath the gel before going to his door and pushing it open carelessly. 

 

The sound of thunder is what follows him as he paces down the other side of the hill towards the small forest, his mind buried deep in the past now that he has allowed himself to think of Ren again. He has spent so long ignoring the gaping wound in his chest where the other man should be. Hux wouldn’t mind being struck to death by lightning in this moment. He has seen the damage the strike does to the trees around his home, has tremored in his home as the world outside the thin windows lights up like a planet collapsing into nothingness. Millicent pads along silently beside him, her eyes everywhere all at once. The intensity of his gaze, now that he thinks about it, reminds him so much of Ren he can no longer force breath into his lungs.

“I don’t want to think about him , ” Hux mutters, though the words are untrue. His thoughts of Ren have taken on a dream like quality over time, the memories of their time together weaving into a tragedy he imagines is only partially true. It is cruel, Hux muses as he lowers himself to sit onto wet pine needles, back against a tree, that he should miss someone he had spent so long hating. He can just remember the bright gleam of the Force in Ren’s eyes, the way he always smiled towards the ground as if expecting to be punished, the beauty of sharing a mind with someone who genuinely (and for the first time) loved Hux for exactly who he was : a manipulative, broken monster of a man so terrified of love he had hidden inside his cruelty. 

 

“This is for the best. At least I know he’s alright.” 

The ancient data-pad that had been shoved in his direction by the owner of the outhouse has been a godsend. Hux is hungry for information, even as far as he is from the ones he cares about, about Ren and Phasma, so much he has taken to searching the holo-net for information. What he sees does not raise his spirits. The Resistance took Coruscant and Naboo with impressive speed. Most of the other planets had followed suit once they had fallen. Kylo Ren had taken his shuttle and smashed into every ship threatening to get near to the _Finalizer_ , regardless of his own safety; whether in honour of his memory, Hux isn’t sure. The troopers going to their deaths in battles that Phasma clearly knows cannot be won. It is almost enough to make Hux want to return of the nightmare of his Empire, just to see things running orderly again and to ensure the safety of those he loves. Millicent sits down beside him, licking her paws carefully without taking her sharp gaze from his face. There are petals from the wildflowers in her fur, it makes Hux smile just enough that he no longer feels as pathetic. 

Without her, he would be nothing, and still he aches for the man he has left behind. 

  
(No house or peace or river with beautiful fish can replace what he had  with  Ren).  

 

******

_ Kylo Ren has grown tired of being on the ground.  _

_ Trawling planet after planet, searching for a single man who has been gone longer than he was ever Emperor, the skin of his hands bruised and ripped at the knuckles from his frustrated outbursts at the consoles on his shuttle. Phasma comms often, voice muted as she speaks of yet more defectors, of worthless battles that seemingly never end or get them anywhere. He misses Hux like a piece of his soul had been stolen away _ _ ; _ _ he can only imagine this is how his mother felt as the lightsaber pierced the heart of Han Solo. _

 

_ “What can you tell me?” Ren hisses into his comm that night, sitting with his knees pressed against the flight console and arms folded angrily across his chest. The last three planets have been left destroyed or terrified to ever defy the New Empire again, though the thought does not make him feel better. _

_ “Not much. Red hair isn’t common _ _ , _ _ so I’m looking for that.” _ __   
_ “Why do you even care?” _ _   
_ __ His words come out as harsh as he intends. 

_ “You’re my son. Even if you are lost, I can do this for you.”  _

_ Leia’s voice is even enough though through the Force he can feel the discomfort dancing within her at doing this, at searching for a man who has caused so much bloodshed and damage to the galaxy. Kylo Ren tries to force himself not  _ _ to _ _ care. He does not succeed. _

_ “He’s probably covering the hair. If not, it’s not just red, it  _ _ turns _ _ orange in the light. And his eyes are green, he has a scar-” _ __   
_ “On his cheek. I noticed. From Snoke?” _ _   
_ _ Ren nods to the sparks coming from the comm unit. It had taken him six months to finally give in and contact her privately, listing his reasons in an impersonal manner that had convinced no-one. She has not shown the message to anyone, except for Rey (and that is something Ren will not touch _ _ ; _ __ he is tired of having his cousin in his head at all hours of the day). 

 

_ “Yes. Do you have anything?” _ __   
_ “Maybe. There’s rumours of a speech writer on a planet in the Outer Rim who goes by the pen name of Red Hair.”  _ _   
_ _ Kylo Ren sits up and nearly screams when his thigh is pierced by a piece of sharp metal he has failed to fix after the last failure upon Ryloth Prime _ _ ; _ _ breaking the seat from his shuttle had  _ _ caused _ _ him  _ _ to spend _ _ a week performing repairs under a pseudonym  _ _ he _ __ lifted from his father’s list. 

_ “Has he been seen?” _ __   
_ “Never. Just that his writings look awfully similar to the Hux we both know.”  _ _   
_ __ He smacks the comm off the console, crushing it to sparks beneath one foot. The co-ordinates flash up on his navigation a moment later, no doubt passed through Mitaka from his mother now she knows he has removed their one means of communication. 

  
  


_ “I love you. I miss you. Please come home.” _ _   
_ _ It has become something of a mantra, repeated at night when his shuttle flies on autopilot, attempting to sleep in the narrow, little cot jammed into the corner of the ship. Kylo Ren knows in his very soul that the distance and time between he  _ _ and _ _ Hux has broken the bond they had shared, though he never felt anything wrong in those final days before the other man had ran. _

_ He rolls his shoulders until they crack, shoves his hood down to finally give himself some breathing space, and lifts the shuttle out of the port and into the air. It is a long flight to the tiny planet Mitaka has sent the coordinates to, hopefully enough time to formulate a reason for being there (and for taking so long, Force he hopes Hux is still alive).  _

 

_And then there is a presence- a soul dragged kicking and screaming back into the place where a hole has been in Ren’s heart- in his head he has not felt for over a year. It is only his reflexes that stop the shuttle from free falling through space into nothingness. His eyes are huge in his face, breath coming in a sharp pant, head pounding beneath a headache he has not had in almost forever- Hux_ _had_ _always been able to pass his aches and pains_ _through_ _their bond_ _, though Ren never let him know about it. This is what he has been waiting a year for, despite all the odds that Hux had went away to die on some backwards planet, even if the rest of the Cabinet believe his faith to be inaccurate._

_ “Hux. Darian.” _ _   
_ **_‘No!’_ **

_ As quickly as the words come, in a voice Ren would recognise even in death at the end of the world, Hux is gone. His heart tightens, tears rolling down his cheeks from the pressure of having a bond reconstruct itself in his mind. Kylo Ren wonders if this is how his mother felt after Han Solo had disappeared into the carbonite; if the agony of it was even worth it.  _ _   
_ _ And yet he knows, he would sacrifice a hundred days- thousands of millions of seconds- from his life just to have Hux in his mind again. Just that single moment had been enough to raise Ren’s hopes in a way that they haven’t been since he was a child, capable of wishing for the best. He can finally look out into the stars around him and not pray for their destruction.  _

 

******

He wakes in the long grass surrounding his house, head thundering with a migraine and blood running from his nose. It is night. Fireflies dance around him waveringly as if uncertain whether they should land. Hux wipes at nose distractedly as he sits up, blinking against the wave of nausea rising with the simple movement. The moon is bright in its blue shadow against the gray night’s sky; a moment later the sky opens up in rain that pounds on the ground around him. He sniffs sharply, ignoring the jab to the back of his eyes that it gives, and squeezes his eyes shut against the rain. 

 

His last memory before the collapse had been of Kylo Ren. 

His voice, lower and exhausted in a way that reminded Hux all too much of the two years after the plan, so warm and soft in  its quiet begging. It cracks something in him now, in that private place  through which  no-one has ever managed to break the ice, a point of his heart that will only ever belong to Ren. Hux has spent so long without Ren he thought he had forgotten the feeling of having someone else in his mind, and yet his first reaction had been to tug the other man’s thoughts closer, holding them tight until he had finally realized what he had done. 

 

Ren could arrive at any moment and Hux  would be powerless to stop him. There is a part of him, that traitorous side he has been at odds with for the last thirteen months, that wishes Ren were here, in this self imposed exile. Hux has lost every luxury he ever gained: his position, his family name, his rule as an Emperor. Kylo Ren. He has adapted to living with virtually nothing, hiding beneath a beard and thick hair that grates at him as it falls in his face. His scar itches in the summer and his hands have calloused. And now, with the knowledge that Ren knows where he is- on this tiny planet he had foreseen just over a year ago- Hux can feel the life he has built for himself beginning to fall apart.

 

The worst part?   
He doesn’t mind. 

 

**_**_ **

_ “The planet is called Haven. I’m going to get him now.” _ __   
_ “And if he doesn’t want to come home?” _ _   
_ __ Phasma’s voice is even but Ren can tell she’s broken into Hux’s long abandoned stash of good whisky. He can just about glimpse the bottle at the other side of the table. Her eyes are ringed with dark circles and her skin is paler than it has ever been. If Ren can feel himself falling apart, he is watching it happen with the rest of Hux’s Empire. 

_ “He can’t hide forever. If I have to-” _

_“You wouldn’t be that cruel. Not now_ _,”_ _s_ _he interrupts. Ren scowls, his fist clenching compulsively at his side. He has been more than cruel in his life- a monster, a beast, a demon- and yet he knows Phasma’s words to be true. Hux, for the man that he was, had changed something within him that Snoke had never managed to fully break. The expression on Phasma’s face is sly and sharp as she gives the smallest of smiles, her mouth hardly moving._

 

_ “He took the cat. That has to mean something _ _ , _ _ ” _ _ Kylo says, lowering his voice _ _. He misses Millicent more than he thought he would. Her sharp green eyes and bright orange fur had almost been an extension of Hux himself, as if he had passed a part of his soul into her tiny heart.  A cluster of asteroids passes the side of his shuttle, spinning meaninglessly, as if they have lost every sense of direction they once possessed. Ren can relate. He has felt untethered ever since the death of Snoke- for ten years the monster had been the only thing he felt truly close to- and the loss of Hux has only increased that feeling.  _

_ “He loves the cat, and I wouldn’t leave her around you lately. You’ve been dangerous.” _ _   
_ _ A polite understatement but Ren acknowledges it, he knows he has been near unbearable ever since the morning they realized Hux was gone. Phasma gives a cheerless smile at him over the holo-channel. He has yet to buy a new comm, has barely thought about it in his haste to reach Haven.  _

 

_ “I lost my voice for him.” _ _   
_ _ “I know you did. And he gained a scar for you.”  _

_ Ren swallows hard. He can still, even now, remember the blood flowing from Hux’s cheek, the glint of the knife as Snoke jammed it into his face. The hysterical laughter through the stained red as Ren finally managed to separate Snoke’s head from his neck. Losing his voice, from the strain, the stress, he does not know, had been torturous; seeing the crescent moon on Hux’s cheek had been thousands of times worse to witness.  _

_ “Would you lead for him? If he decides not to return?” _ _   
_ _ “I’m loyal to Hux. I always will be, but I’m not a fool. His Empire falls faster every day.”  _

_ It is true. In the space of time he has been gone, three more planets have joined the Resistance in their fight for freedom throughout the galaxy. The last straw had been the day that Arkanis had thrown off its sixty year loyalty to the Empire and what had  _ _ come _ _ afterwards to rebel with his mother and the rest of them; the slow trickle of planets leaving turned into a drain after that day.  _

 

_ “Thank you. For what you’re doing.” _ _   
_ _ Phasma just nods. Lifts her bottle and takes a long gulp. Ren wishes for some whisky, settles for flicking one of Hux’s abandoned lighters on and off again, watching the flame.  _

_ “Let me know if you find him _ _ , _ _ ”  _ _ s _ _ he says.  _

_ Ren switches off the channel, leaning back in his pilot seat to stare at the lighter some more. It is one of the more elaborate ones, no doubt a gift from some simpering official at some point, and Hux had only used it on occasion. His smoking had always been amusing for Ren, as someone who had never indulged in any vices other than the destruction of his own soul, and now he finds he misses the smell of cigarettes clinging to Hux’s skin more than anything in the world.  _

 

_ He lifts his gaze.  _

_ There is Haven- small, round, green- with a thunderstorm looming overhead like a malevolent god. He can’t imagine Hux here, in all his glory and his words like silver, on this little place in the Outer Rim. It is undeserving of a man like him. Ren reaches out and halts the ship’s course, hanging in space for a long moment, to look out at Hux’s sanctuary. In a way, it is beautiful from here, as most planets are if you look at them long enough, but it is nothing compared to the bright lights of  _ _ Coruscant _ _ or the silver sheen of Corellia.  _

 

_ ‘Are you sure you want this? _ **_’_ ** _ Leia Organa asks in his head. Ren sucks in a breath. The first time in over a decade he hears his mother’s voice inside his mind, and it is like a cool drink on a hot day. Finding her way back into the hole he had carved within his thoughts since the day he was born, weaving into the place left empty in his heart just for her.  _

_ “I don’t want anyone else.” _ _   
_ _ She is gone but Ren can feel the ache of his father’s loss in the very depths of his soul. It rubs raw within her now, like salt pouring into an open wound, and he wishes he had chosen differently. No apologies will change things, so he says nothing, and turns his ship towards the planet.  _

 

_ Back to the only thing he has ever truly wanted. _

  
  


******

The shuttle lands in the village just as noon begins to crest the sky. 

Humans and others alike leave their homes, clutching weapons that will do next to nothing should any invaders come with violent intentions (though the only kind of dispute that occurs in this society now is the verbal intimidation of cowards). They stare up, eyes blinded by twin suns that barely graze the permanent clouds, and  grumble amongst themselves. 

 

Only one person has landed here in the last twenty five years. 

 

Red Hair- their valued speechwriter, quiet and scarred in his little home upon the hill- makes no move to open his purple, splintering front door. His fire still burns, smoke blustering from the chimney until it blurs with the clouds above. The locals of the village turn to stare at the house, as if expecting him to come down and watch the new member of their society arrive. And yet he does not. If anything, the silence from Red Hair only emphasizes how outcast he is from their world. His way with words is next to legendary, his diplomatic abilities undeniable, though they know little of the man himself. 

“His name is Darian , ”  t he owner of the outhouse says to a woman with black fingernails and glittering blue skin. Her eyes are sharp and yellow as they observe the man speaking, though not uninterested.

“Is that what you trade in now, names? You know us all.”   
“I trade in whatever is too valuable to be given away carefully. His was just that.”

 

There is a roar as the shuttle’s landing gear fully dispenses, lowering the body to the ground. Many of the locals pull their children or young ones back into their houses, unwilling to risk the safety of the only things they have left to value. Haven has never been a well known,  bustling planet like Tatooine ; they work in the farms and live in villages that their children’s children will one day  also inhabit . Nothing ever changes. Until Red Hair, and now this new visitor. 

 

“Let him land. We have nothing to fear , ”  s omeone says. They are right. 

Kylo Ren is no threat to them. He is no threat to anyone who does not stand between him and Hux, though they do not know it yet. But they should, as anyone wise must do, have something to fear from the unexpected. 

 

******

_ “A man you call Red Hair lives here, yes?”  _

_ He tries to keep his voice polite and pleasant. It is difficult seeing the distrust in their thoughts and the natural defence against visitors to their tiny, backwater planet. All around him  _ _ are _ _ the minds of people having never travelled further than a few miles at a time, always returning home by nightfall. Kylo Ren has never lived a life of simplicity, does not know the meaning of the word, and so is more confused by them than they are him.  _

_“He does_ _,_ _”_ _a_ _woman with blue, shining skin says. Her mind is as sharp as daggers against his temples, naturally slipping away_ _as_ _he tries to latch on. Beside her stands an old man, with thick white eyebrows and knowing brown eyes. Ren can almost feel them searching his face when he glances away to look at the rest of the crowd gathered around his shuttle. Some look the same as the woman, but there are more humans present. Ren shifts ever so slightly where he stands, unused to the rough breeze pushing his hair into his face and the chill in the air. He has never known rain the way Hux has_ _;_ _he has_ _spent most of his years in cities or in the warmth._

 

_ “Where?” _ __   
_ “On the hill. Don’t hurt him.” _ _   
_ __ Ren can’t stop his eyebrows from lifting. Hux has always inspired devoted, almost suicidal loyalty no matter where he goes, but this is new. Without the fear of being thrown from an airlock or punished so severely you wish you’d never sinned, he does not recognise this kind of support. The people shift uncomfortably to the woman who had spoken. Ren nods in her direction, lower than he normally would, in a rare show of respect. The politician within him- no doubt left over from the years spent watching his mother dazzle everyone around her- allows him to do so without feeling inferior. 

_ “You have nothing to fear from me. I’m here for him.” _ _   
_ _ In any other mouth, the words would have came out as a threat. Once upon a time, that was the only thing Kylo Ren had been capable of issuing to people such as these; but now, with the knowledge that Hux is nearby, he has no ill will for these locals of Haven. _

 

******

 

“What did you hope to achieve with this?” Ren asks. 

His voice is enough to make Hux close his eyes and slowly breathe in, heart pounding in his chest like an engine about to burst into flames. The grass around them sways in the breeze, there is rain in the air and a thunderstorm brewing in the clouds. He cannot find it within himself to turn around, to truly acknowledge the other man is here, standing on the porch of the house with his arms folded. Instead he settles for addressing the oak trees on the border of his property, slowly smoking his cigarette until the ash burns his fingers.

“Peace. Serenity. A life with meaning.”   
“You were Emperor. You don’t think that has meaning?”   
Ren’s voice cracks. Neither of them are ready for this conversation, for this moment. Thirteen months and four days has not been enough preparation time, Hux realizes now, and he wishes he could have kept his mind closed for longer. 

“It isn’t what I wanted. Not what I planned.”

He is so tired of having to say those words out loud. To his mother, to the small legion of children she has adopted from orphanages, to himself every morning before he left. By the noise Ren makes behind him- a rude childish thing that once would have made Hux smile- he is not impressed by this answer in the slightest, would most likely have preferred to find him lying bloody and dead than what he is now. 

 

“Why did you leave?”   
“I just told you.”   
And now he turns, dropping the cigarette end into the grass. Kylo Ren has not changed, though there is the slightest grey in his hair and a new scar in the dip beneath his skin. His eyes, oh Force, are still overly large and far too expressive for a Jedi killer, almost black in the depth of his bruised eyes. Underneath those ridiculous robes, Hux imagines he could feel the bumps of his spine from the weight that has fallen from his body.    
“Not good enough.” 

There is a moment of calm where Hux thinks Ren will not lose his temper. He is wrong. Their time apart has left his memory of the other man rusty and years behind, coloured with the knowledge of loss. In less than three strides, Ren strides down from the porch and storms up to stand less than a foot away, hands trembling at his sides. A short moment of silence follows, as they watch one another warily, as if expecting someone to attack. 

“You left me!”    
  
And then Hux is flying, backwards into the grass, to land hard on the ground beneath. The breath rushes from his lungs as swift as a bird hunting prey, he lies panting around the iron vice on his chest. He coughs once, feeling blood run from his nose once again. The sky above is a deep grey, no doubt moments away from opening up and spilling rain everywhere, like the heavens themselves are crying. 

“What do you want me to say?” Hux coughs, finding some spark of irritation left over from his time aboard the  _ Finalizer _ . It is enough that he manages to sit up and level a glare over the long grass at the other man. Of all the ways he has expected this conversation to go, this is not it. He has expected tears, anger,  _ death _ . Instead he gets Ren, arms crossed furiously and his face unreadable, simply watching him without saying a word. 

 

“I’m not going to apologize. I knew the two of you could rule without me, I was no longer needed. To start the reign, yes. They needed to take the two of you seriously, I ensured that the galaxy did before I left.”    
The words flood out, and yet they are not the ones he intends to say. They have been apart for so long, they have reverted back to their previous, volatile relationship of the first six years of their acquaintance. Hux’s heart aches just seeing Ren, the strained line of his shoulders and the fury glittering in his far too expressive eyes. 

“We weren’t ready. We never were.”   
“I couldn’t stay. It wasn’t what I wanted.”   
Ren scowls, his face twisting darkly. Hux pulls himself to his feet, wiping his hands on the dark blue pants he had chosen for their practicality. The blood finally stops running from his nose, enough that when he presses the back of his hand to his face, it comes away only slightly red.

Something in their newly repaired bond- a fragile, aching thing in the back of Hux’s mind- twinges at the sight of his bloody hand, a reminder of what had happened so long ago with Snoke in the ruins of his citadel. He wants to reach out and pull Ren to him, let go all of this anger and animosity sitting low in his gut, and whisper how glad he is to see him. 

 

Instead, he settles for walking through the grass back up the porch steps, letting out a whistle. Millicent appears on the edge of the forest, ears pricked up, but makes no effort to come inside; sitting down and licking delicately at her paws. No doubt she can feel the tension, unwilling to come closer until he and Ren resolve their issues.

“We need to go in. Rain is coming , ” Hux says, climbing the steps with boots that creak with his movement. He wonders if the roof will hold this time, how many trees will collapse under the deluge of rain and the lightning that always follows the thunder. The village is more prepared than he, though they have been helpful in providing the necessary supplies for times like this. Ren doesn’t say anything in response, though he follows a few steps behind Hux, almost stomping in his own heavy boots.

“What about her?” Ren asks, voice low and quiet. Hux inclines his head just enough  so that  he can catch the other man’s profile out  of  the corner of his eye as he pushes the back door open and heads into the kitchen. 

“She’ll come in soon.”    
Millicent never stays out in the rain, she dislikes it more than having branches tugged from where they are caught in her fur. Hux only wishes he could have a life as truly free as his cat’s ; instead he has to be less than a foot away from Kylo Ren without saying anything. 

  
  


******

“I can't lay in that bed knowing you're not there.”

Kylo 's voice was loud in the darkness. Hux turns away from the window- unable to see anything from it, but unwilling to stare at his closed bedroom door, knowing that Ren was in there- to meet the dark, exhausted eyes watching him closely. Ren looks ethereally pale touched by moonlight, his scar faded from its usual sharpness to soft edges.

“This is better for both of us.”

Hux says, his voice shaking ever so slightly. In his time away- thirteen months, twenty one days and six hours- he has lost his once commanding presence and silver tongue in the hopes of being unnoticed by the locals. Ren shakes his head, lips pressed tightly together. He looks, absurdly, as if he is about to cry. Hux lets his eyes trace the man in front of him, praying to the Force (the Hux of before would not have dared to consider the possibility of there being such a thing) that Ren will not stay long, for both of their hearts ’ sake.

 

“Why did you run away?”

The impossible question. Hux has no answers for him, and they both know it. The hours after his escape, to the freighter that would bring him here, had passed like a dream, his fingers tangled in Millicent's fur. It wasn't until he had found this town- been given this  _ house _ \- that he realized the enormity of what he had done. He shrugs in Ren's direction, hating how small he feels without his great-coat, clad only in a loose undershirt and thick sleeping pants.

“Why did you follow me?”

Ren blinks and there are tears running down his cheeks the next time he lifts his gaze from the old, wooden floors. Hux sucks in a breath that feels sharp and cold in his lungs, the fire long having burnt out during the evening. He aches for Ren more painfully than he has in the thirteen months he has been gone, wanting to reach for but knowing that if he does, when Ren leaves, neither of them will be fine.

“I can't sleep without you  next to me .”

“Don't say that, not now.”

Millicent darts past him through the flap in the door, pausing for a moment to blink large green eyes up at Ren. The three of them stare at one another, waiting for her reaction. The soft purr she lets out and the way she twines around his legs tells Hux everything. When she is gone, wandering into the kitchen with a contented expression, he lifts his gaze back to Ren, whose tears have begun to slow.

 

“Go to bed, Ren. We'll talk in the morning , ”  h e says, turning back to the window, and praying that Ren will get the message. There is a long moment of silence, broken only by the wind and the sound of rain on the trees outside,  when Hux thinks Ren will start an argument, the tension in the room clinging to both men like a cloak. The sound of the bedroom door clicking behind him is what follows.

He lets out a shaky breath, turns back to the small couch, and curls up beneath the thin knitted throw he's been using as a blanket.

 

******

_ Kylo Ren wakes to sunlight. _

_He blinks, confused after weeks of sleeping in the pilot seat of his shuttle, at the blankets over his waist and covering his feet. The room is warm_ _,_ _completely_ _un_ _like aboard the_ ** _Finalizer_** _,_ _where one would need at least two pairs of socks to walk around with no shoes on._

_ Hux's bedroom is small, the bed jammed carefully into the middle of the room, facing the window. Ren can barely see the view outside the window from where he lies _ _ , _ _ but knows that this planet specialises in beautiful fauna and the occasional heavy thunder storm. He had fallen asleep last night- trembling with rage and fear and  _ **_relief_ ** _ \- to the sound of rain on the roof, forcing himself not to listen in to the sleeping thoughts of Hux. _

 

_ It takes him a long moment- too long- to realize that there is someone beside him. _

_ Ren turns his head, slowly, pushing his hair back irritably with an aching hand (he had, at one point, attempted to punch a hole in the bed frame to no results). He rolls fully onto his left side when he sees who it is, telling himself not to reach out and touch. _

_ Hux is stretched out beside him, curled up beneath a thin blanket, obviously knitted by an old grandmother, that barely covers his body. His feet are thin and pale poking out of the bottom. Red hair, somehow darker than Ren recalls from his memories, falls against his forehead in a soft mess, taking away the sharp edges of Hux's face with ease. Ren lets his eyes trace over the crescent moon scar on his cheekbone, remembering the blood that had poured from the wound over a year and a half ago. He extends his mind outwards, lightly brushing against Hux's, feeling the contentedness that had never been there when Hux was Emperor. Kylo Ren smiles at the sight in front of him before he levers himself up on an elbow, peering around the bedroom with more interest. There is a small bookshelf, housing notebooks and an ancient data-pad from before the collapse of the Empire. He wonders what Hux writes about, what he reads when the thunder is too bad to do anything but sit in bed and wait. _

 

_ Ren waves a hand and three of the blankets covering him rise to wrap around Hux instead, successfully curing the cold problem. The soft sound that escapes the other man's mouth is enough to make him grin at the pillow underneath his elbow, stupidly pleased with himself even after all this time. A pink balloon- carefully tethered to the window sill with a tight knot- catches his eye the next time he glances up, like it had been left behind by a young child. It has no place here, in Hux's little home, and yet its position feels intentional. The first thing Hux will see when he wakes and the last he will see when he sleeps. Ren frowns at it, wondering when Hux had become attached to inanimate objects the way most people irrationally had from birth. _

_ This house, this planet, has changed him into something Kylo Ren does not recognise, a man sweeter and more wary than the one he had last known. _

 

“ _ Stop thinking _ _ , _ _ ” Hux  _ _ mumbles _ _ , annoyance colouring his tone. Kylo Ren  _ _ jumps so hard he  _ _ almost falls from the bed, eyes no longer watching the pink balloon in the corner but focused on the little smile on Hux's lips. His face is pressed tightly into the pillow, eyes squeezed shut. _

“ _ You have a pink balloon.” _

“ _ I do.” _

_ Ren frowns at him, eyes narrowed intensely as he tries to burrow the secret out of Hux piece by piece. The other man lets him, apparently content to wait him out before saying anything else; he drifts, like a boat on the ocean, into a doze. _

“ _ Why do you have a pink balloon?” _

_ “My mother brings them.” _

 

_ Hux blinks open his eyes, vibrantly green in the sunlight, his face is surprisingly tanned considering his complexion. The deep dark circles of exhaustion have almost entirely faded, the time spent away from lighting fixtures and holographic screens has done him good. Ren thinks over the words once, twice, before he sits up straighter and stares, waiting for more clarification. Hux watches him silently for a moment, fingers tangled in the pillow beneath his head, before nodding to himself. _

“ _ She visits, sometimes, now that she knows that I am no longer an officer of the First Order. She never approved of my delusions of grandeur as a child, so you can imagine how well my becoming Emperor was received. She has a new husband, six adopted children- orphans of the Order, I think, who've lost their parents in battle- and one of her own. My sister, Ruby. Clever little thing, too smart for her own good. The girl seems to think that everyone should have a balloon somewhere, to bring luck.” _

 

_ “You have a sister _ _ , _ _ ” Ren mutters, sitting up and resting his elbows carefully on his knees, mindful of the trembling in his hands. He knows little of Hux's family life besides  _ _ for _ _ his gambling fool of a father and the mother who had left him as a child, the two half-brothers killed on the second Death Star. _

“ _ Technically I have four sisters and three brothers.” _

_ Hux sits up beside him, the intention to not speak of last night broadcasting clear through the shattered bond they once shared. The world outside the window shows a forest, dark green pines rising beside oaks likely older than they will ever be. Ren nods, closing his eyes in an attempt to focus himself, before he finds himself staring (once again) at the pink balloon. _

“ _ Are you staying?” Hux asks a moment later, pressing his fingers into the bumps in Kylo Ren's spine gently. His voice is unassuming, demanding nothing, but broadcasting a wish for him to stay. Ren does not want to go back to the shambles of the New Empire. He doesn't want it without Hux at his side- beautiful, messy, broken Hux, the way he is now. _

“ _ If you'll have me.” _

_ The kiss that Hux presses to his mouth is anything but gentle. _

 

_ (The vision of this house, this balloon, had not lied to him as so many other times it had). _

 

******

“You’ll end up leading them all here , ” Hux says, voice sharper than he intends in the daylight. He is sitting in the long grass, sketch pad on his knees and Millicent stretched out beside him. Any attempt at drawing had been hindered by the appearance of Ren at the back door, arms folded and expression more closed off than it had been when he wore that damn bucket of his. 

“I won’t.”   
“All of this is genuine? Not a ploy to seed doubts in my mind or to bring me back?”   
Ren’s eyes glint violently. He doesn’t regret the words. Once upon a time, on his ship with his general’s cap and great-coat around his shoulders, Hux would’ve felt sorry for the harshness. That had been before. Now, a year later, he cannot find the effort to care. He has not ran from everything he has, the reputation and life he had build, leaving Phasma with a collapsing Empire, to be concerned with what his words may do.

 

“You think I would manipulate you?”   
“I did once. It didn’t end well for either of us.”   
Hux points to the uneven scar on Ren’s face with a dark purple pencil, to the mark on his own cheek and the way it curves up his cheekbone. The plan of so long ago, the  _ manipulation _ as the document had named it, had been the beginning of all this. It feels like a lifetime ago. Snoke’s death had been the breaking point. Ren’s eyes narrow sharply, the wood of the porch begins to creak with the force of his anger, of his frustration at everything Hux is doing. Their bond is painfully raw, almost new, and the swirl of emotion coming from the other man is verging on unbearable to experience.

“Don’t talk about that. That was years ago.”   
“And we’re still making the same mistakes. You came here, knowing well enough that I wouldn’t come back to watch my Empire crumble at the feet of your mother, and still you try-”

 

Kylo Ren storms down the porch steps towards him, dropping down into the grass like a sack of stones, sending half of Hux’s pencils flying into the air. Millicent raises her head with disinterest before laying back down again, tail moving lazily in the slight breeze. 

“This has nothing to do with my mother. I’m here because I need to be. I can’t be without you anymore. I gave up everything for you. I lost my voice for you.” 

There are tears in Ren’s still too expressive eyes. Somehow, this is more personal than the night he had spent curled up in his own bed beside him, trying not to feel comforted by the scent of Ren’s hair or the sight of his too tall body underneath the sheets. Hux puts his sketch pad down, carefully, and arranges the few pencils he still has on top of the paper. It is reassuring, the numbering and counting of things is a pattern he has returned to continuously over the years.

“I can’t go back.”   
“I’m not asking you  to .” 

Hux stretches out a hand towards Ren, his fingers dotted with ink and dirt and a million other things the man he had once been would have spent hours trying to scrub away. Ren takes it carefully, his grip tight and gentle and safe all in one. He lifts his gaze to the sky, to the ever present stormy clouds and the knowledge that soon enough- perhaps within the week- there could be X-Wings in the distance, coming to take his life away. 

 

“I love you , ” Hux says , instead of dwelling on those words. Ren lets out a long, shaky breath, as if he has been waiting all these months just to hear those words again. He wonders what it had been like to wake in the morning and find him gone, as if vanished like a dream. How many weeks and days it would have been before Phasma had officially taken over command, if she had been as effective as he had hoped. 

“You’re my everything.”   
Ren’s trembling hand traces Hux’s cheek softly, as if afraid to press too hard. This is not the Kylo Ren of the past, nor is it the haunted, yellow man who has followed him around in nightmares for the thirteen months he has been away. The pencils that had been flung away by Ren’s movements appear in the air above their heads, lowering to rest beside the others on the pad of paper. 

Hux smiles. 

They will fall asleep there, tangled in the grass, and wake when the thunder begins to crack above their heads like the gods trying to crack the sky in two. Ren narrows his dark, dark eyes and smiles brightly- more content than Hux has ever seen him- and refuses to move until the rain comes, until their clothes are drenched and they are grinning. 

 

******

“You’re leading him to Hux?”   
Leia sits down in her chair and waits for Poe, Rey and Finn to do the same. Finn and Rey sit,  while  Poe stands , his arms crossed tight and  an irritated expression now  that  he’s spoken his piece, however brief it may have been. She is reminded of him as a child, standing beside his parents and whispering under his breath. Rey’s eyes are bright and dark on her face, so similar to her own it is almost painful to see- their spark has yet to be dimmed by the tragedy of time. Finn’s hands rest in his lap, his shoulders strained beneath the flight jacket he wears everywhere. 

“It’s the only thing he has asked of me.”   
Poe scowls though there is no fight in it. Finn’s eyes flicker over to him carefully, as if checking for damage done to the other man. Rey’s gaze is the most understanding of them all, her presence in the Force stable and steady in a way that reminds her of Luke in the nicest way possible. Leia smiles at the three of them, her closest companions in this, before carefully setting a data-pad on the desk in front of them. 

 

“When Kylo Ren finds Hux, he intends to bring him back in order to secure what remains of their Empire. We cannot allow that to happen. There was numerous systems joining us day by day and we can’t risk their security for one man’s dreams.”   
“He ran from his own Empire, how dedicated can he be?”   
Finn’s face is like stone as he speaks, fingers clutching compulsively in the fabric of his trousers. Rey’s slim hand slips between his grip gently, until his hand wraps around her own. The smile on Poe’s face is pure, genuine adoration as he watches them, like he wants nothing more than to sit next to Finn and hold his other hand.  

“I know my son. I know how persuasive he can be. Hux doesn’t want to return now, but he will eventually, and we have to think of our people first.”    
“He isn’t Ben. He hasn’t been in a long time , ” Poe says, voice only a little choked. Leia wants to explain to him, to them all, about how it felt to be back within her only child’s mind. To feel the differences and the things- those little quirks- that had not changed in the years he had been gone. She has a feeling that Rey, with her deep understanding and the knowledge of generations past, might already know.

 

“Do you want us to go get him?” Finn asks. Leia shakes her head. The only way of ensuring that the Resistance will survive an encounter with Kylo Ren is to avoid starting one in the process. Hux will return to his Empire, to see it fall or to die alongside it she isn’t sure, but they can only wait- and pray- that it will be soon.    
“If we attack first, his remaining troops will have an excuse to attack. Their numbers may be dwindling , but under Phasma’s leadership they are still  all willing to die for him.”   
“We wait , ” Rey says, voice even and mild. There is the smallest smile on her face. Watching the way Finn and Poe stare at her, confused, is enough to make Leia smile herself. So like Luke sometimes, confusing and incapable of giving a clear answer when one is needed. The fourteen numbers on her data-pad,  Hux’s exact location, is closed and put in her drawer as the trio rise and leave the room, already reaching for one another.

 

An hour later, her orders are changed, much to the disappointment of her troops. She contacts her son the only way she knows how- through the fragile link they still share- and asks only one thing of him. He is calm, controlled and willing to listen for the first time in almost twenty years. 

 

_ ‘Ben.’ _

_ ‘Hello, mother.’ _

 

Leia Organa- after years of losing and losing- can finally see an end to this war and so she does what she has  to .

 

******

_ “Do you trust me?” _

_ Hux’s voice is soft in the darkness. He is not sleeping, or drawing, or writing speeches. Not even standing in the grass outside, hands trailing the stems and eyes lit by fireflies. He stands at the window, hands at his sides, nails scraping at his palms. His gaze is steady and sharp on Ren’s; he can always feel the other man’s attention when it is entirely focused in his direction, Force abilities or not.  _

 

_ “Of course I do.” _ _   
_ _ “After everything I’ve done?” _

_ Ren waves a hand. One of the lamps sputters to life, enough to light the planes of Hux’s face. He looks severe and as if he is about to make a comment that will spark Ren’s temper. After a moment of staring at him, trying to untangle the threads of emotion from the other man, Hux lets a long sigh and rises to his feet. Kylo Ren does not like the expression at all; he has seen Hux fight battles, even wars, with that look. Had seen him rise as Emperor of the galaxy with nothing more than a glint of steel in his eyes.  _

_ “I’ve never letting you go again.” _ _   
_ _ Hux doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer but he nods to himself. The bond between them is still raw and Ren can’t feel as much of the other man as he once had. It is infuriating to be so close, mere feet away, and yet unable to access parts of Hux’s mind that had once belonged to him alone. Ren leans back in his chair and stares at the ceiling instead, the uneven panelling and the spots where the rain has broken through the roof and curved the old wood forever. _

 

_ It is a nice house. _

_ He could see himself living here, one day, so long as Hux was at his side.  _

_ “I have a plan. You won’t like it.” _ __   
_ “When do I?” _ _   
_ __ Hux is smiling at him when he looks down, small and fond and surprisingly warm. He moves around Millicent- spread out on the rug and paying them no attention except for a twitch of the ears- to stop in front of Ren, green eyes glittering. His hand is cold, not unbearably so though most things on this planet are, when he tugs Ren to his feet. They stand together, in the sitting room of the house up on the hill, simply watching one another for a long moment. Hux presses his free hand to Ren’s chest, and there is colour in his cheeks and a spark in his eyes that reminds Ren of the days they had spent plotting the downfall of Snoke. 

 

_ “You’re beautiful _ _ , _ _ ”  _ _ h _ _ e says. Hux digs his nails into the fabric of the black robes and lowers his head. It is not modesty, nor is it embarrassment. Ren has never denied how much he- the monster in the story- loves Hux. They both know what they would do for the other. There is a kind of finality, as if this conversation will be repeated, to this moment that makes Ren want to reach out and never let go. Instead, he twines his own free hand into Hux’s hair gently, smoothing the red strands through his gloved fingers.  _

 

_ “What do you want?” _

_ Hux looks up. For so many years, lost and wandering and wanting to return to a home that was just rubble in his mind, Kylo Ren has been alone. Searching for the life he had destroyed and the thing he should have became. No-one has completed him like Hux does. A wicked grin grows on Hux’s pale, sharp face, and it is enough to make him grin back- not caring what might happen next.  _

_ “I want my Empire back. Will you get it for me?” _ __   
_ “Of course.”  _ _   
_ __ The kiss Hux presses to his lips is bruising, the scrabble of his nails almost painful.

 

_ By the time they make it into the bedroom- overly cosy and not what Ren is used to but he could learn to like it- Hux is tugging at the robes with a growing annoyance that is amusing to watch. They have been apart for so long; Ren has not touched anyone else since waking in the empty bed aboard the Finalizer, and Hux has spent too much time caught up in his own mind to think of any kind of release.  _

_ “I love you. I love you _ _ , _ _ ” Ren says feverently as he is pushed forcefully onto his back on the bed, completely naked as Hux stands above him, hands on his waist. He looks like a king. He looks as if he could destroy the world around them and not give a thought for the lives lost. This is the Hux he adores, would give his life for. Hux smiles at him, tugs his old sweater over his head and climbs onto the bed to rise above Ren. His hair is longer than it had been a year ago. _

_ “Don’t ever stop being you _ _ , _ _ ” Hux says, before he drops his mouth to Ren’s neck and he loses all possible trains of thought. _

 

******

“This is your Emperor.”    
“You have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice, sir.”   
It had not been hard to get back here. He had been surprised at the ease in which Ren had gained them access to Phasma, the warmth in his voice as he explained the situation. Watching one’s life work collapse around you had a way of making you bond with others going through the same thing. Hux grins at the way Ren is watching him, a little possessive, though Phasma ignores him altogether. 

 

She looks well, if tired, and their holo connection is spotty at best. New scars crest her forehead and nose, though she carries them with all the dignity that a soldier like her should. The chrome armour is still there, helmet in one hand, though dented and looking worse for wear. Her hair is pulled back in a tight bun, and there is a smile in her normally mild eyes. 

“I’ve missed you too. How goes your war?”   
“The Resistance have pulled back on four of the seventeen fronts. Naboo and  Coruscant have re-opened trade with the New Empire, so long as we keep our battles away from them, despite being pledged to the Resistance. Arkanis and Tatooine are ours. Mitaka led a fighter squadron that destroyed almost all of the X-Wing fighters the rebels sent after the Finalizer, he’s very proud.”

 

Ren coughs a laugh. Hux is pleased enough that he doesn’t ignore the look Phasma gives the other man ; he had expected to come back to entirely shambles and little to no allies. If she wanted it, and if he did not have plans that required his return, he would have left Phasma entirely in charge. 

“You’ve done well. I’m proud, Captain.”    
“What are you planning?”   
He wishes he could tell her every last detail, down to the specifics of every moment, though neither of them have the time to spare. He and Ren had left Haven just under twenty six hours ago, leaving behind the house and entrusting Millicent to the care of the outhouse owner. Ren had wanted to slam the man against the ceiling as a warning, though in the end it had not been necessary. Hux’s words had been enough. 

“We’re coming home. To fix things.”   
“I’ll be waiting.”

 

She disappears with a smile. Hux can only hope this will go as they had planned, as it had been imagined as they lay panting in his tiny bed. Ren tugs out his lightsaber from where it hangs on his belt, twirling it in the air above the floor with just a lazy wave of his hand. His gaze is intense and dark, eyes far away as he moves the saber around.

“My mother isn’t coming , ”  h e says after a moment, coming back to himself with a hard blink. Hux is more surprised than he will allow Ren to see, though he imagines most of it bleeds through into their bond. 

“How do you know?”

“She promised, if we give her one thing. Ben Solo is dead, her son has been gone longer than he was alive. I won’t allow her to love the thing I became in his place.” 

Hux watches him. Waits. Considers everything that rests on this moment, the lives of his men and the remains of his Empire, and what he will lose if he refused Ren’s offer. 

 

“What does she want?”   
Ren’s eyes are dark and glisten over his lightsaber as he activates it. The shuttle jerks ever so slightly, enough that Hux almost loses his footing, with the force of Ren’s anger. 

“Control.”

 

******

“You are under orders to leave us alone , ” Kylo Ren says. Rey nods, her eyebrows almost in her hairline and fingers playing along the lightsaber at her hip. Finn stands beside her, arms folded and with an expression resembling solid brick. Poe can barely keep the pride off his face, though the feeling of Hux’s cold eyes on his own is enough for him to bottle the emotion as far down as it’ll go. Even with the stubble and the mop of red hair, he is still an unnerving sight. The spaceport around them is thankfully empty, cleared of civilians before Hux and Ren even landed in their creaking old ship. 

“We’re not touching you, are we?”   
Finn’s voice is sharp. He rolls his shoulders under the jacket, letting everyone and their mother see the blaster in its holster. A smile quirks at the corner of Rey’s mouth. Ren doesn’t seem impressed with the posturing, if the way his eye twitches ever so slightly. It is so  _ Ben  _ that Poe has to look away before he does something along the lines of begging him to apologise to his mother and stop being such a damn fool. He doesn’t think General Organa would appreciate having something like that on camera; even if her orders are to make sure to that Hux sticks to their agreement. 

 

“You’re here to ensure I don’t do any damage to your precious Resistance , ” Hux says. He is even worse up close, all green icy eyes and tight, pale face. The beard does nothing to cover the scar on his cheek, the way it curves upwards with the momentum of a blade in the hand of a tyrant. Poe Dameron is under no assumptions that Hux could- and has been- just as horrific a ruler as Snoke was, though he is nowhere near as willing to attack the one man everyone is wanting to see. 

“You wouldn’t have the chance. I’d see you coming.”   
Rey’s gentle voice doesn’t match the way her head tilts to the side, eyes just as dark as Ren’s, or the way she feels through that strange bond the three of them share. Finn nods, hands resting on his belt. Poe feels as if he’s watching some kind of holo-vid with the obvious posturing going on here, and wonders- not for the first time since meeting Finn and Rey- whether he should go and sit in the ship, leaving them to the hero business.

 

“She promised that nothing would happen to the two of you, so long as you go along with what was stated in the agreement you and the General made before she handed over the co-ordinates. Do you still plan on keeping that side of the bargain?”   
He addresses Ren, finding it within himself to look into those dark eyes and not flinch away when they meet his own. Ben had been a sweet boy, a little strange, but nice enough to be around. The young Poe Dameron had needed all the friends he could get at that age- still mourning his mother and not knowing what he was supposed to do- and Ben Solo had been the only one who truly understood what it was like to lose something he needed. Seeing Kylo Ren for the first time, in that torture chamber with blood dripping from his head and his brain trying to break free, had been enough to convince him that no part of Ben Solo was left within that monster. 

 

Ren stares back at him. Poe wonders what he sees. 

If he sees the boy who had pulled his younger self out of a room before any of the conversations about the First Order could begin, the one who had climbed trees in the middle of the night just so Ben wouldn’t have to sit alone in the darkness and cry. Poe wishes he could have stopped Ben being sent away to the Temple, closer to Snoke. He can remember the goodness in what had been Kylo Ren so much it aches, and for a moment- a brief few seconds- he can see the glimmer of recognition in Ren’s dark, tortured eyes.

And he knows in that moment, right now, that Ren has no intention of breaking their agreement, whether for his mother’s sake or for Hux’s, and that there is nothing left of Ben to bring home to lay to rest. 

“We’re done here.”   
Poe’s voice is rough in his throat and older than he is, almost like his father’s. His shoulders ache with the stress of being so near to his childhood best friend and he wants nothing more than to be away from the stare of Hux. He wants Finn and Rey and BB-8 and his damned X-Wing and nothing else in the galaxy. Something in Ren’s face changes again- he has always looked so young, and it so apparent now, standing beside the block of ice that is the man he loves- and he nods jerkily, gloved fingers already reaching for Hux’s wrist to lead him onto the battered shuttle. 

 

It will take them only hours to reach the  _ Finalizer _ and what remains of Hux’s New Empire.

Poe reaches for Finn just as Rey wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face in his neck. Finn’s grip against his back is warm and strong and everything he needs right now. Breathing becomes easier having the two of them here, at his side, as the shuttle rises from the port and into the sky.

 

He hopes- prays- that he will never see Kylo Ren again. 

 

******

_ Hux cannot sit still.  _

_ Any other time, maybe in a less serious moment, Ren would have laughed at him. Amused by the energy almost bursting out of Hux’s skin, since the man is ordinarily controlled. Right now, knowing what Hux is about to give up, he simply presses a hand to Hux’s knee and pushes thoughts of rain and comfort towards him. It works long enough for Hux to settle back, running a hand through his thick red hair and gazing through the  _ _ viewport _ _.  _

_ “Has it changed much?” _ _   
_ _ “I wouldn’t know. I imagine not. I told them to keep your memory intact while I was gone.”  _

_ Hux smiles at him, softly, and lays his own fingers over Ren’s. He thinks of the look in Rey’s eyes- so like Luke but purer- and how bright the soul of the man who calls himself Finn had been. It reminds him of Poe Dameron, his childhood friend, and the life he had lost by falling to the Dark. It is not a life that Kylo Ren could ever deserve, and he sees now, not one he would aspire to have if Hux was not sharing it with him.  _

_ “I don’t want anything if you’re not with me _ _ , _ _ ” Ren says, as if Hux has not already read it in his thoughts. Saying the words out loud only make them more real, more evident, that he has done more for the scarred, brilliant man beside him than he ever has for himself. Hux nods, leaning over to press his head against Ren’s shoulder, eyes closed. They sit like that for a while, Ren piloting the ship through the Force, sharing memories of the seven years they have known one another, and what they have done to get here.  _

 

_ “Come home with me, once this is over?” Hux asks. Ren nods against his hair, eyes locked on the Star Destroyer just visible through the  _ _ viewport _ _. The pride and joy of Hux’s life is looking strangely battered and old from her year of non-stop flight from the Resistance _ _ , _ _ but it had been their home once, the place where everything had started. Ren has missed it more than he will admit.  _

_ “I wouldn’t want anything else _ _ , _ _ ”   _ _ h _ _ e says. Hux’s fingers tangle in his robes and don’t let go until they dock.  _

  
  


******

“The Emperor has returned!”    
The words grate on Hux’s ears. He has spent so long in near seclusion, in his little house on a hill on a planet so far away it is near incomprehensible to think about, that the crush of people gathered in the docking part of the  _ Finalizer  _ is almost too much to bear. He runs a hand, shaking slightly, through his thick red hair and over the scratchy beard covering the lower half of his jaw. Foolish to think that such a look could disguise him for long. 

  
Kylo Ren stands beside him, hood up and lightsaber already crackling in one hand. It is the emptiness in his expression, the cool dark of his eyes, that propels Hux forward to speak. He has to clear his throat- the Hux of before, he would not have allowed his voice to be anything other than ringing- before he speaks, and that is enough to silence the chattering down below. 

Never has he seen so many of his officers, the crew and the stormtroopers gathered without some kind of ranking system; it is disorientating to see his order so crumbled. 

“I am not your Emperor , ” Hux starts, and after the words leave his mouth, he finds it difficult to continue. The speech of his life had been followed by the destruction of the Hosnian System and the beginning of what would be his plan into greatness. Never, twenty years ago and alone in a way he craves even now, had he intended for it to become something so twisted. The silence that follows is painfully long, intense, and somehow worse than the babbling had been. 

 

“I have returned for only one reason.”   
“Sir-”   
Phasma steps forward to stand beside him, blaster out, as if to push him away. Even through the helmet, Hux can feel her hesitation at what kind of anarchy his speech will bring about once he has finished. Ren moves to his side also, his free hand pressing into the small of Hux’s back with a surprising amount of gentleness. 

“Let him do it. They need to know.”   
Ren’s words are low enough that only the two of them can hear. Mitaka twitches where he stands not far away; he is too valuable a resource to place on the floor beside the stormtroopers and Hux can acknowledge he has always been strangely fond of the man , forever cursed with bringing them bad news. Hux nods to Phasma, who lowers her blaster ever so slightly but does not take her finger from the trigger. Knowing that she would shoot down her own men, in armour as badly battered and burned as her own, for his protection gives Hux the confidence he needs to step back up to what remains of his Empire. 

 

“The reason behind my return will not please you, so I will not attempt to beg for any kind of forgiveness or give you hope that is not possible. My appearance here before you today is simply to tell you all that my rule is over, our Empire is gone, and to hand the entirety of my control over to the group that calls itself the Resistance. The Old Republic died with the Jedi Order, the Galactic Empire died alongside Palpatine and Vader, and the First Order was destroyed the moment I had Kylo Ren take Snoke’s head from his shoulders. I will not die alongside my Empire, nor shall I follow in the footsteps of fools for any longer. 

 

This is the end. They have control now.” 

 

******

“General Organa?” 

Leia lifts her head. Her office had been overwhelmingly small for the last week, full as it was with star maps and the assorted collection of medical supplies Finn has taken to leaving lying around, so she has relocated to sitting in the grass just outside of the base, work spread around her. Finn carefully sits down with his legs crossed, fingers moving restlessly over the grass as he clearly waits for the two others with him to do the same. Rey settles on the blanket, legs stretched out over Poe’s lap as her hands twine together crowns with barely a glance in either man’s direction. They will be beautiful, vibrant and so entirely Rey that Leia will only wish that she could have stayed that way; that Han could see the family they have created for themselves. 

 

“We have something to tell you.”   
“We wouldn’t let your advisors do it, because they’d announce it to the whole base before you even got the chance to process what we’re saying-”   
“So we’re here now, to do it the way it should be done , ” Finn adds. They have a strange way of speaking, as if they share one mind and three mouths, that has taken a lot of getting used to. By the smug way Poe raises his eyebrows at her and smiles, he knows exactly what she is thinking. She can remember being much the same when she was younger, with Luke and Han at her side. 

“What is it?”   
“You can read it for yourself.”   
From a pocket in Finn’s jacket, a single scrap of paper is plucked and handed over without any acknowledgement as to what it could say. The three sets of eyes resting carefully on her turn away to stare at the sunset, giving her the chance to read the words. There is only one person still living in the galaxy that knows of the times Leia and a younger Ben would share, bent over rare volumes that had lived through more than they would ever know. Only her son would remember that. 

 

The words, written in a scrawl that is all too similar to his father’s it hurts her heart, simply say:

 

_ It is yours now. The galaxy has been returned to the Republic and your hands. I know you will rule better than we did. You will not hear from us again, though you know where we will be. I would not be adverse to seeing you one last time, sometime down the road.  _

 

_ Your son is gone.  _

_ I can only hope what remains is enough. _

 

******

**Two years later.**

 

The sun is shining on the planet of Haven for the first time in two months. Hux steps out the back door and lowers himself to sit on the porch. He watches the lazy sprawl of Ren on the warm wood, the way his hair rests gently on his forehead and the colour of his eyes in the light. The other man lifts his head curiously, pushing down the dark hair that has grown almost as wildly as the grass around the house, to peer at Hux with overly wide, bemused eyes. 

 

“It’s almost your birthday,” Hux tells him. Ren smiles, reaches out with a hand that tugs Hux forward without any cooperation from the rest of his body. He takes control long enough to lie down beside Ren, the dark stained wood pleasantly hot against the back of his skull, breathing in the rare summer air. It has been so long since they saw sunshine that wasn’t covered by thunderous grey clouds - that the entire village down the hill is outside for the first time in months, singing and violently beating rugs as children chase one another through the forests. They are at peace.

“What do you want to do?”   
“Nothing. Just stay here , ” Ren says softly, mind far away in that place he goes sometimes, but never where he gets stuck for long. Hux rests his fingers on Ren’s arm, calluses hard against the soft skin of Ren’s wrist, listening to his pulse. They have both begun to tan in a way that looks natural, long having passed the sunburn that comes from having spent years aboard starships, and it is no longer strange to see Ren perched on the roof, hammering nails into the cracks. 

 

“I always thought I’d rule for longer , ” Hux muses.They do not speak of the moments after the collapse of his Empire very often, the absolute hell that had broken loose and what had became known as the final mutiny of his forces. Most had surrendered their arms fairly peacefully, if with a lot of complaining,  after the Resistance troops had arrived aboard. Some- primarily the older, more experienced stormtroopers and the few officers who would not survive within the Republic- had attempted to fight back; the death toll ended up somewhere in the two hundreds on both sides. 

 

Phasma had vanished with Mitaka to a planet three systems over, one where smuggling was the prime business venture; Hux gets immense enjoyment out of imagining the two of them carrying cargo and humans around for a ridiculous price. He hopes they are happy, wherever they are, and that they will never face the punishment they all deserve. 

 

Ren’s eyes are warm and dark when they meet his, earnestly curious. His fingers tap restlessly, though he seems to be in no need of entertainment, apparently content to lie here and let the joy of the planet soak in. 

“A year wasn’t enough?”   
“It wouldn’t have been. For the old me.”    
Millicent pads past and down the steps into the grass. Three kittens- with a strange blue hue dancing over their ginger fur, and a gleam to their yellow eyes that is almost human in its intensity- follow closely behind their mother. Hux is still not sure which of the local cats had spent enough time with her to ensure the creation of kittens, and the thought never passed his mind to be come furious  about it. Ren nudges him gently, enough to get his attention back on the conversation and away from the kittens currently rolling in the grass. 

 

“And now?”   
Their house is still old and creaks loudly in the thunderstorms. Sometimes it sounds as if hell is attempting to come and meet them, as windows shake and occasionally crack from the force. His hands are callused and rough and ink splattered almost constantly. Ren has found a love for gardening, of creating new life through the ground, and so has filled numerous pots with brilliant flowers. Every month, a package of pink balloons arrive with a girl who has hair like fire and eyes as sharp as his own. 

 

He and Ren are nowhere near fixed, halfway between broken and whole, and Hux cannot imagine it any other way. Their losses had made it impossible to be anything more. He would not want it any other way. He rolls onto his side, takes Ren’s hand in his and says:

“You’re enough.” 

 

_ They have known one another nine years.  _

 

_ This is the end.  _

 

**_“Do you regret your life?_ **

**_Even before I was touched, I belonged to you;_ **

**_You only had to look at me.” - The Burning Heart, Louise Glück_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> you can find me at huxsmurderbeam on tumblr!


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